feeling cranky

I've been in a bit of a funk the past few days, so I decided it was time to get some of it off my chest.

I'm still (mostly) keeping to my diet: no wheat/gluten, dairy, MSG, caffeine, alcohol, artificial sweetners; minimize sugar, salt. The most recent change was the wheat/gluten, dairy and sugar. I haven't noticed a difference with my head since doing that, so I think I can rule them out as triggers. My digestion, however, is much better. Sensitivity to many of these foods definitely runs in my family. So, I'm keeping to my diet, but not quite so strictly. I'm allowing myself some moderate wheat or dairy about once a week. (I had a slice of pizza last Saturday and it was heaven, even though my stomach didn't much like it.)

What has really helped me stick to the diet is planning a menu for the week with DBF. We decide specifically what we're eating for dinner every night, write it down and put the list on the fridge. We also do our food shopping based on the list. That way, we never have to come home from work and do the "what do you feel like eating for dinner?" debate. Much less stress. Plus, amazon.com has a new grocery pickup/delivery service in our area, which means much better access to specialty foods. That makes it even easier.

It's just very easy to feel down about my diet, or even about migraines and my lifestyle changes in general. Every day, I see my coworkers eating TV dinners for lunch, snacking on candy and soda all day. Yesterday I listened to my friends discuss what they were giving up for Lent - most of them decided to give up foods I already can't have. I understand that for them, giving up a favorite or junky food is difficult, and would be meaningful for them. But when I start listing all the foods I *can't* have, it just gets depressing. I try to focus on the foods I *can* eat, but sometimes I just can't think positively.

More generally I have the same problem dealing with migraine disease and all the changes I've had to make. I have to follow a very regular sleeping and eating schedule, or risk a migraine. I have to go shopping in stores with fluorescent lights with my sunglasses, or risk a migraine. I still live every single day in pain, constantly, but I'm still expected to function at the same level as my coworkers. No one said life is fair, but sometimes I need a break.

I've been very selective about who I'm willing to discuss my migraines with. In college especially, I lost quite a number of friends who didn't understand my illness. I didn't even understand it at that point. So now I am very reluctant to mention my migraines as I know so few people understand. I've tried to hide my condition at work as best I can. My boss knows I suffer from "headaches" and my team knows I have a lot of doctors' appointments that cause me to miss work. But that's it. None of them understand the horrors of migraine disease, but I also haven't tried to reach out and offer some education.