putting one foot in front of the other

Today was a whirlwind of a busy day at work, which was good in that I got a lot of work done. I even left a bit early to go to a good friend's gathering downtown for her last day at work. (I'm sad to see her go, especially because she's one of the few friends I have who can empathize with Migraine disease because she has quite a number of invisible health issues herself, but I don't think we'll lose touch.) Unfortunately the whirlwind day meant my eating schedule was out of whack, which triggered a Migraine.

Well, let's back up a step. Since November (possibly earlier, but that's when I noticed the symptoms) my Migraines have become daily. I've had CDH since my teens, so having daily, constant pain is nothing new to me. I'm one of those "lucky" ones with 24/7 pain. My head decided a few months ago that constant headaches weren't enough when I could be having Migraines instead. So it's a little misleading when I say something has triggered a Migraine; really I mean that it's triggered a *worse* Migraine. Today, that was a bilateral Migraine that got up to a 6 before I finally broke down and took some Imitrex + ibuprofen, my second dose in two days. I need to check my headache diary to see when the next time is I can take any abortives without risking rebound.

So all that said... I took the Imitrex right before I went out to the bar/billiards joint (actually a very nice, high-end place with no smoking allowed). It usually knocks me out, but works better and faster than the Frova (Frova has few side effects though). I decided to risk it. It made me a bit woozy but I was ok. And I enjoyed myself. DBF came with me and we both had a good time. It was nice to spend some time out of the apartment.

I've been home now a few hours though and the pain has come back a little bit. My mood, though, has just plummeted. I'm feeling cranky and a bit depressed. I know this is Migraine-related (what isn't?). But I'm just feeling so sick of the constant, unending pain; the medication side effects; and having to keep going on through all of it.

It just gets so hard to keep going. I changed my work hours from 8-5 to 9-6 about 6 months ago in deference to the headaches, sleep problems and medication side effects. Now that I've recently restarted the Topamax, the drowsiness has been awful again with the interaction with nortriptyline. So I stumble to work (luckily I walk, I don't drive) and try to make it through the morning until I wake up all the way.

Each day it's a different part of this disease I hate the most. Today it's how much it controls my life right now. Migraines have become my constant companion, regardless of how I may be feeling. Having to find a way to make it through a full 40-hour work week without sacrificing too much of my well being, or too much of my productivity.

I increase my Topamax dosage tonight, from 25 to 50 mg. I may have some problems waking up tomorrow morning. I'll ask DBF to help me get up tomorrow. That's the best I can do right now. Make plans and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I know that one day this will get better but tonight it just doesn't feel that way.