Hope after many years of pain with topamax

It took me over 3 months to build up to 100 mg of topamax. I started with the 25 for a week, then the 50 I stopped at 50 my migraines stopped. I had some pretty severe side effects, dizzy, heart palpitations, anxiety, those were the worst.......oh and the night terrors! I would sit straight up in bed and not know where I was for a minute, like a huge panic attack. Yes I was a freak, I stopped drinking coffee made it worse. My blood pressure was up so I told the doc I needed xanax to take the edge off so I could rest. That was the magic that has kept me with the topamax. I did not need the xanax that much just now and then when I felt the jitters. Someone told me you just have to tough it out and I did........ it got better everyday. After 3 months the migraine came back I upped the dose 75 for a week, side effects hardly felt any, only a day or 2.......still got a migraine. Now I am on 50 mg at night and 50 in the morning ZAP right now I am good. I feel a change....I really feel it, I will tell my doctor at the end of the month I decided to go higher I told him I would not go higher than 50. But waiting 3 months letting the side effects calm down changes everything. I hope it continues to work.  I only want to be on a few things for the migraine.  I refuse to be a toxic waste dump of meds each one with it own cocktail of side effects and damage. I told my doctor how dare doctors give me tons of imitrex to inject over and over until I am black and blue. They tell me 3 shots a week are safe.........no data on more and during a huge attack lasting several days I am injecting it every day of the freaking ER! Because the last doc was afraid to give me a drug for pain, not to mention later they will find out over use of imitrex may leave me with one of my organs failing.   I said its my body if I am doing everything I am supposed to. diet, preventive, no smoking, drinking,I want good pain meds when I am in it. If you have a good history of no dependence and you have a good doc you should have no problem with a doctor having mercy for your pain........my gosh. Its like life and death.   Anyway don't give up if you have a bad doc change they are many caring, understanding good doctors that will listen! It means everything in the world to be able to come up for air have a break from the pain and gain strength for the next battle that will come...............but we will be ready with the right weapons.