Saturday, February 11, 2012

I'm not a Scrooge, but Christmas is TOUGH!

The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is tough.  I grew up in a home with parents who loved me dearly, but we really never had any money.  In my house, Christmas involved getting two or three presents (usually one toy, a candy treat, and some pants or a shirt).  I never knew Christmas was bigger in other kids' homes--I just was happy to have what Santa gave me. 

 

I married into a family that goes NUTS during the holidays!  They have 6 different grab bags, they cook formal, 5-course meals for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and they give so many gifts that my kids start to cry, saying, "Please, I don't want to open any more presents!!"

 

They buy SO MANY gifts for the grown-ups, too...My DH and I can't even fit all of the presents in our van Christmas night!  I've asked REPEATEDLY that they tone down the gift-giving, but they will hear none of it.  They say they love Christmas and want to share it.

 

Now I know I should feel happy that they have so much to give to my kids, but I find myself just wanting to simplify things.  I am a stay-at-home Mom and my family doesn't have a lot of $$ to throw around.  We live paycheck to paycheck.  Paying for meds for me and my kids is VERY tough!!!  But I wouldn't have it any other way.  Staying at home lets me be with my children--and it has the added bonus of allowing me to rest when my migraines are at their worst.  But with a very limited budget, I have to watch every dollar that goes in and out.  And I now have the added expense of monthly flights to see my HA specialist.  Money is definitely an issue for me.  Christmas time is tough for a family like ours.

 

But this time of year is hard for other reasons.  I miss my mother terribly this time of year.  (She passed away a few years ago from liver disease--presumably from the MANY high doses of migraine meds she took throughout her life.)  She loved Christmas because it was Jesus' birthday.  She made it fun for her children and grandchildren without spending HUGE amounts of money.  I try to teach my kids the values she taught me, but it's HARD!!! 

 

The Holidays are also rocky because my DH's family still wears perfume, despite our REPEATED reminders that I get VERY sick when exposed to perfumes or other strong smells.  At Thanksgiving dinner my DH's family decided to put dozens of lighted, scented candles for "atmosphere."  (Unfortunately, the "atmosphere" sent me to an upstairs bedroom to rest in the dark while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner and dessert.)Sad

 

This year, I decided to take a bit of a stand.  I told my nieces and nephews (10 in all) that I will not be buying Christmas gifts for them this year.  They are all grown (25 or older) and I think it's time I quit that nonsense.  I also requested that my brothers and sisters AND my DH's brothers and sisters forget about the grab bags this Christmas.  I used my health as the reason--I just don't do well with all of the crowds, smells, noise, and chaos.  And, I think I'd like to just spend time with my family without worrying about having the perfect gift! 

11/24/07 9:03pm

I do not think you are being a scrooge or unreasonable. I totally agree with you. My family actually quit buying for all the kids a few years ago. I have 11 nieces and nephews and that is just too much! My DH's family is really small, but they agree on no gifts. To me, it is more about being with my family than gifts. I usually go overboard on my step-daughter and DH, but this year, it is not going to happen. I have not worked in 3 months and do not see myself doing so anytime soon.

 

Get your DH to talk to his family if you need to and explain the situation to them. I grew up much the same way you did. And I know that Christmas is about much more than gifts!!

 

Good luck.

 

Sherry 

11/25/07 7:13pm

I come from a large family and my parents have seventeen grandchildren ranging in ages from two to nineteen. There is no way that most of us could buy presents for that many kids. That doesn't mean that we don't love them all, it's just impossible. We don't buy for the adults.

 

We like to all get together for the holiday and since most of the kids are still so young and since we would be getting gifts for our godchildren anyway, we will get gifts for our godchildren as an exchange and then the children who don't have an aunt or uncle as a godparent go into a mini grab bag. This has been working out great for a few years.

 

This year, it seems a little more difficult for many of us, but there is one brother who is really bad off so we aren't going to force him to do anything, but will make sure that all of the kids do have something.

 

You're right. Christmas should be more laid back, simple and fun. Not as commercial and strenuous as it has become.

 

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