This is a question I struggle with every day. Chronic pain, parenthood and let's not forget about marrige. It tends to be a tough mix and sometimes one of them may get lost along the way. And we both know it is not parenthood... 

I do the best I can every day. I think that is all any of us can do. (Oh yes, a put a dollar in the therapy jar for each kid )

you know my son was 8 when his sister was born....... he learned very quickly how to feed and bathe her. when his baby sister arrived 3 years later... he then too helped quite a lot.

my son will tell you it's not fun..... i have had him advocate for me at the ER. almost cussed a doctor  out ( he's 17 now) my youngest 2... ages 9 and 6 now.... know how to get their own snacks... run bath water... fold clothes.... all out of nesscessity.

we learn to adapt. i did  it because of my grandma's chronic asthma... my kids do it because of migraines.

don't feel bad because you can't help it. the good days make up for the bad ones with kids........ or so my kids tell me all the time.

Dear Jenny,

Parenting with migraine disease is not easy! Please know that your kids will remember the good things about you being there for them.  If you had one leg or were in a wheel chair they would still love you and you would still be MOM!  You do everything you can do I am sure for them especially love them because you are their mom.  I have two sons, one is in his second year in college, one is a sophomore in high school.  I have been a migraine sufferer for 12 years.  They grew up during some of my worst migraine attacks.  They did not even know most of the time I was sick.  I sat by the door at plays, and concerts(in case of throwing up) Took my pail with me to pick up or drop off kids.  Our house has always been the one the friends come over to to "Hang" and sleep over.  Sunglasses were glued to my head during football and baseball season.(Basketball too) Kids just remember you there, and the good things.  I did not talk too much about being ill, but they knew.  I still have a picture my youngest drew of a heart and himself that he taped to my nightstand when he was about 5, and I was sick in bed.  I think my illness gave them a compassion for others suffering.  Don't beat yourself up! Hang in there, you are doing the best you can do!

Trish

I would like to respond to your heart-felt comments.  I read every line and related.  My 9 year old son can make his own meals.  We even have a microwave in our pantry that is on his level so it is safe for him to use.  When he was even younger, even at 2 years old, he would be able to get breakfast bars out of the pantry on his own.  He would get them for me and bring them to me in bed when I was experiencing an especially bad migraine.

I choose to view life in the positive.  My son continues to be a very independent person.  The school year is almost over and I have yet to see his spelling list before his test.  I see the final score which is 100% or 98%.  He wants to take care of school work on his own.  He asks for help if he needs it, though.  He cleans up after himself after a meal and thinks it odd when he is a friend's house and sees the mom doing "everything" for the children.  My son tied his own shoes before preschool.  Some of it is developmental and some of it is that I couldn't bend down to tie them because of my chronic migraines.  He takes pride in his independence.  He is the one on the playground verbalizing to the others that "this isn't safe!" and directing the play elsewhere.  No, he isn't perfect.  However, independece is definately the blessing that comes out of the suffering of my migraines.

Yes, you are a wonderful parent!