Migraine and Parenthood--Not an Easy Combo

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Thu, March 06, 2008

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If I have severe migraine disease, can I be a good parent, too?

I have two young kids who still need a lot of help and support. I brush their teeth. I give them a bath. I help them with homework. I make sure they are dressed neatly and well fed. I read stories to them. I love them and hug them and give everything I have inside to make sure they know that they mean the whole world to me.

My migraine disease is far from controlled right now. I live nerve block-to-nerve block. I'm trying new meds slowly and doing all my doctor recommends to find a good preventive plan. My doctor is wonderful! But my head is not cooperating.

I am sometimes just too sick to be the mother I want to be. Sometimes I can barely hold my head up as I help with the homework and reading. Sometimes cooking is just too tough...and we have to resort to take out. Sometimes I am so completely sick that I can only lie on the sofa with my eyes closed and my ears open to be sure the kids are in the room with me and staying safe.

My husband works long hours, so the kids really do need a Mom who is 100% there for them!

I've taught my kids to be resourceful. They can get their own snacks and drinks. They know the house rules (most importantly, "Don't open the door for anyone--even if it's someone you know. Ask Mommy first.").

But I've had some scary symptoms lately! EXTREME loss of vision, really bad vertigo, legs so shaky and tingly I could barely walk. These things have come on suddenly and without much warning at all.

I want my kids to be safe and happy. But I know they are not truly safe when I'm feeling so many strong symptoms at once!!!!

So I'm back to my original question...Can a severe migraine sufferer be a good parent, too??

Heart jenny

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Nancy Harris Bonk

3/ 6/08 6:04pm

This is a question I struggle with every day. Chronic pain, parenthood and let's not forget about marrige. It tends to be a tough mix and sometimes one of them may get lost along the way. And we both know it is not parenthood...

I do the best I can every day. I think that is all any of us can do. (Oh yes, a put a dollar in the therapy jar for each kid )

mcmurraychick

3/ 8/08 7:55pm

you know my son was 8 when his sister was born....... he learned very quickly how to feed and bathe her. when his baby sister arrived 3 years later... he then too helped quite a lot.

my son will tell you it's not fun..... i have had him advocate for me at the ER. almost cussed a doctor out ( he's 17 now) my youngest 2... ages 9 and 6 now.... know how to get their own snacks... run bath water... fold clothes.... all out of nesscessity.

we learn to adapt. i did it because of my grandma's chronic asthma... my kids do it because of migraines.

don't feel bad because you can't help it. the good days make up for the bad ones with kids........ or so my kids tell me all the time.

trish

3/13/08 10:14am

Dear Jenny,

Parenting with migraine disease is not easy! Please know that your kids will remember the good things about you being there for them. If you had one leg or were in a wheel chair they would still love you and you would still be MOM! You do everything you can do I am sure for them especially love them because you are their mom. I have two sons, one is in his second year in college, one is a sophomore in high school. I have been a migraine sufferer for 12 years. They grew up during some of my worst migraine attacks. They did not even know most of the time I was sick. I sat by the door at plays, and concerts(in case of throwing up) Took my pail with me to pick up or drop off kids. Our house has always been the one the friends come over to to "Hang" and sleep over. Sunglasses were glued to my head during football and baseball season.(Basketball too) Kids just remember you there, and the good things. I did not talk too much about being ill, but they knew. I still have a picture my youngest drew of a heart and himself that he taped to my nightstand when he was about 5, and I was sick in bed. I think my illness gave them a compassion for others suffering. Don't beat yourself up! Hang in there, you are doing the best you can do!

Trish

pianoann

3/13/08 6:26pm

I would like to respond to your heart-felt comments. I read every line and related. My 9 year old son can make his own meals. We even have a microwave in our pantry that is on his level so it is safe for him to use. When he was even younger, even at 2 years old, he would be able to get breakfast bars out of the pantry on his own. He would get them for me and bring them to me in bed when I was experiencing an especially bad migraine.

I choose to view life in the positive. My son continues to be a very independent person. The school year is almost over and I have yet to see his spelling list before his test. I see the final score which is 100% or 98%. He wants to take care of school work on his own. He asks for help if he needs it, though. He cleans up after himself after a meal and thinks it odd when he is a friend's house and sees the mom doing "everything" for the children. My son tied his own shoes before preschool. Some of it is developmental and some of it is that I couldn't bend down to tie them because of my chronic migraines. He takes pride in his independence. He is the one on the playground verbalizing to the others that "this isn't safe!" and directing the play elsewhere. No, he isn't perfect. However, independece is definately the blessing that comes out of the suffering of my migraines.

Yes, you are a wonderful parent!

Migraine and Parenthood--Not an Easy Combo

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I do the best I can every day. I think that is all any of us can do. (Oh yes, a put a dollar in the therapy jar for each kid )

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