Saturday, February 11, 2012

My migraine

How do I explain my migraines to others?  They ask politely how I'm feeling.  They offer words of advice and sympathy.

 

"Migraine?" they say.  "When I have a 'headache' I just sleep it off."

 

Sleep...if only it would come.  "Maybe someday I'll be able to just sleep it off, too."

 

My migraine is so much more than headache.

My migraine is the mania that comes days before the other symptoms hit. 

My migraine is the restless, can't sit still, have to start and finish every major project I can think of feeling.

My migraine is the feeling that I can do ANYTHING--until the other symptoms come (and they always do, after the mania).

 

My migraine is the twisting, turning, sparkling lights and "floaters" that appear in my eyes.

My migraine is the blank, black spots I see (like a puzzle with missing pieces). 

My migraine is the squishy, flip-floppy, achy stomach that comes just before the vomiting begins.

My migraine is the pain.  It comes at the very same time as the aura and the vomiting. 

My migraine is the throbbing, aching, soreness in my scalp, neck, and jaw.

My migraine is filled with pain--pain that hides all the good in my life.  Pain that has a way of swallowing up all that I look forward to, hope for, and smile about. 

My migraine is pain that sometimes becomes such a part of "me" that it stays for days...and days...and days...with no relief or comfort at all.

My migraine takes up so much of me that there is no "me" left...

 

My migraine leaves me with no energy.

My migraine leaves me sleeping, finally, once the pain has gone.

My migraine leaves me wishing I could somehow find the energy to lift my body from the bed to make my children a meal.

My migraine leaves me praying that I will someday feel "normal" enough to have a "normal" family life.

 

My migraine is a drawer full of current and past medications.

My migraine is a steady stream of medications, all of which have had side effects.

My migraine is meds that make me sleepy, nervous, constipated, grouchy, and empty-feeling.

My migraine is airline flights to see a specialist.

My migraine is painful shots in my head and neck--pain that hopefully will bring short-term relief.

My migraine is countless pills, shots, and suppositories, all with very little help.

My migraine is medical help that my family really can't afford.

 

My migraine is more than just "me" and "mine."

My migraine is the worried look on my son's face as he sees the sunlight bothering my eyes.

My migraine is the words of concern my boys have every time I feel even a twinge of head pain--they have become so sensitive to my health that they warn me of an impending migraine before I even feel it.

My migraine is the quiet, whispering voice my children use when they know I'm too sick for them to speak normally.

My migraine is my son saying, "Mom, if we are extra good tonight, do you think you will feel all better by morning?"

4/24/08 9:20pm

OHHHH Jenny...I just want to give you a hug!!!  My migraine doesn't come with the huge burst of energy before the pain hits...but, everything else sounds so familiar. I feel your pain. I don't know the right word to use...that was a beautiful post eventhough it was filled with all the pain and despair that you feel. Hang in there...they have to find a way to help us sometime. Right?!?      >i<     Kari  

4/26/08 3:44am

Girl, I know what you mean.  I have drawers full of medicines that my boyfriend asks "why do you keep these?"  Well, it cost$100 and they may want me to try it again, so I'm keeping it.  And when I ask "Do you smell that?"  he answers, "Oh no, you're getting a migraine."  Then when it comes and he asks if there is anything he can do, I only wish and tell him no thank you, and I love you for trying.  I don't have children, only 3 dogs.  And I feel bad for not being able to take care of them, so I can't imagine trying to take care of your kids.  You are in my prayers.

 

4/26/08 1:21pm

Your eloquence and descriptions really touched me.  As sad as it is just to know someone "gets it" helped me with my day.  Thank-you

4/26/08 7:39pm

It's all of the stuff that people don't get- that bring havoc to a household, and to your life in general. I feel like I could have written all of this (without the kids, of course.) I think this is a great read to make people get it... I'm going to send DH over to this post- he sees how the beasties affect me, but I doubt that all of this could have been comprehended by anyone who lives with this disease.

7/ 4/08 3:14am

Mrs. Jenny, I must say, this almost brought tears to my eyes. Not only because of the horrificly familiar situation and vivid diction, but that you've been dealing with these beasts (for lack of a more accurate term) for twenty years. AND you have children... You truly are a strong woman; you'll be in my prayers as well.

Though I've only had my migraines for two years or so, I also have trouble expressing how I feel when asked how I am doing. I know my family and friends care, but it is lonely nevertheless when no one seems to honestly understand how it feels to have a skull made of lead, or a little yellow man taking a sledge hammer to the brain, or police lights buzzing in and out of eyesight, or all of the other gruesome things. Thank you so much for reminding me that I'm not alone.

God bless.

7/ 9/10 7:28pm

This reinforces why I come here.  Not just for infomration, but for others that share unfortunately the experience that we go through.   You put into words what I cant.  Thank you.

JKM