My Monster, Fred
A monster lives in my head,
His name is Fred.
I curse his name for all that I have lost
He’s cost me time that I will never get back
He brings me sorrow that never really goes away
His grasp, so tight, keeps me living in fear
Even when he isn’t near
But he is never really ever
He steals away my life
Moments from my very best years
Moments that don’t belong to him, but to someone else
I am not the only one he is stealing from here
In return he leaves me with this pain,
Pain that goes far beyond tears
Pain that laughs in the face of my dreams
“Please, somebody help me!”
But nobody hears me.
And even when the searing pain subsides,
I am left shattered.
A piece of my spirit dies a little each time
Anxious and broken
I beg back for what was mine
I try to pick up what’s left of me
And I cry.
What is left of me? Who am I?
Am I me or am I Fred?
I don’t know where to go from here,
I don’t want to go if he will be there.
Is he always going to be there?
This sense of doom I have
I blame on you
Get out of my head! I said.
I want you dead.