When I was really little, I used to climb my grandparents' grapefruit tree and get all of the ones that were at the top. I know now that of course they would have gotten them even if I hadn't been around, but the praise that I got for cleverly navigating the intertwining limbs of the tree and getting that perfect grapefruit was addicting. I loved that tree. It was perfect for reading a book in the afternoon sun down on those florida days of Christmas Vacation.

Every night, we'd each have a half (or more) a grapefruit- the ones that I pulled down from the tree. They were the sweetest ruby red grapefruits- the ones that sell for gobs of money at the store in winter.

We stopped making the voyage down to Florida yearly when I was 13. No grapefruit ever tasted as good as those from my grandparents' tree, and I stopped eating grapefruits. 

Then I was put on meds- no grapefruit juice. (No loss, I said- and for another dozen years, to me, grapefruits were dead.)

Today I smelled the smell at work. The forbidden fruit. Literally.

I can have chocolate, coffee, donuts galore, but what I wanted was the smell that I could not ignore.

I ducked past it- back to my desk, and alas, it's grapefruit free in here, it reminded me of all of the things sweet and tart that have come into and out of my life. How things can change, and how where you thought you would be (physically, psychologically) can be so different than where you might have once thought your road would go.

And I'm reminded of the sun catching my hair just so, and of those memories I'll never let go. So, I'm glad I smelled grapefruit, 'cause I'm richer for the experience and the daydream. Which leads me to the final point of the morning...

I guess I'm richer for every day I have that's pain free... 'cause that's a memory and a motivational tool that can help to keep inspiring me- and every day I don't give in, I turn around and say "Aha! My head hasn't beaten me today."