Sunday, February 12, 2012

An August Migraine

There is discomfort. My mind and body are asleep but there is something wrong. My body is feeling overly warm and uncomfortable. There is pain somewhere. All is dark. The tiredness that grips me is still overwhelming the pain and discomfort, but not for much longer.

 

There is noise. Clattering from above that rings down into my senses and calls me up. There is still only darkness but my mind grabs onto this intruding sound to bring me body, mind and soul back to wakefulness. More clattering and my mind becomes alert, though my eyes remain closed, too tired to open.

 

There is great pain in my head. It is great pressure and pain. I am hot under the bed clothing. There is an urgency to go to the bathroom and relieve myself as well, adding to the discomfort.

 

I feel weighed down by outside pressure. My body aches as if the flu virus has finally caught me after many years of avoidance. Most of all there is the pain that is standing on my head and grinding me down into a helpless bag of bones. It won’t go away. More clattering tells my mind that my son is doing dishes upstairs.

 

I am now fully awake. A roll of my head to the left tells me it is about 1:00 p.m. and sends waves of pain through my head from the movement. My 7:00 a.m.-3:00 p.m. sleep has been interrupted by a migraine. It is not without precedence. Migraines sometimes come in the few hours near the end of my sleep cycle. My head is pounding with each beat of my heart. I feel listless and mortally tired. After a stumbling trip to the bathroom to relieve myself I fall back into bed hoping for more sleep and relief of the pain that seems to have settled in. Sleep comes again but is fitful and not regenerative.

 

At 3:30 p.m. I drag my unwilling body from bed and upstairs to see what the weather is doing. Changing weather patterns often produce migraines for me, second only to perfumes and other heavy scents. When I am having or about to have a migraine my olfactory senses become hypersensitive. Anything that would cause even slight olfactory irritation now is a horrendous offense. I climb the stairs from the darkened basement where my ‘bedroom for a night shift worker’ has been set up. Each step produces painful pulsing in my skull and the light coming from under the door at the top of the stairs is unwelcome.

 

The sun is shining and seemingly no storms are on the near horizon. Walking around the kitchen to the dining room and then the living room my wife’s voice shrills out a happy,

 

“Hey, how ya doin’?”

 

She has just arrived home from work a few minutes earlier and is lounging on the couch with a glass of ice water and a television remote. As I come into sight she sees that I’m not doing so well and says a little more quietly,

 

“Oh, a bad one?”

 

I mumble a response. All of the smells in the house are alive to me, some good and others bad. Sausage that I cooked at 5:00 a.m. for my wife and kids who were soon to be getting up is lingering and bothers me. Dish soap used by my son only an hour before tortures me. The smell hurts. I have a hard time putting words into sentences right now. My head is hurting and word finding is often difficult at these times. Even with the words found speaking them clearly is not happening now. I know what I want and need help with but am having trouble getting it out. Finally the words,

11/14/09 2:41pm

I think you've captured the unrelenting nature of a migraine attack better than any other description I've read before. I hope you were right, that your pain was on its way out at the close of writing this piece.

 

I certainly commiserate, especially with the experience of having to do physical work in the midst of an attack. Once I had to clear a trench in the midst of a storm around the side of our house to keep a mud flow from flooding our basement. In a weird way it seemed appropriate--a storm raging outside to match the storm raging inside my head.

 

Good luck to you.

11/15/09 9:26am

Thank you Melanie.  Yes it was better that afternoon when I woke up. 

It is interesting that you described the storm outside in relation to the storm inside since weather affects many of us with migraines.  I cannot imagine keeping a trench around my house clear during a driving rainstorm with a bad migraine... maybe a few years ago (younger/stronger).  Kudos to you for managing it.  Did you keep the basement dry?

Oh and yes, they can be unrelenting, so that even a mild or medium one can eventually wear you down.  I wish dark chocolate, general Tso's chicken and onion rings cured them instead of caused them...   Praeter13th 

Anonymous
Pomona
2/17/10 7:01pm

Spam deleted. Save your time, "Pomona."

11/14/09 3:22pm

You have described my migraines to a tee.  People without them need to read your post and maybe it can help them understand what is happening in our heads.  The part about rolling your head on the pillow- that is soooo true!..  Hope you get relief from your migraines.  I am sorry you have a terrible time at the hospital.  I have found a drug that is in nasal spray now but it is $700 for 8 doses.  Migranal now is in a nasal spray and I found it works.  Of course -

Praying for all fellow migraine suffers!

 

11/15/09 9:32am

Thank you for your words Elk Mom.  If I have described your migraines then you have my sincerest wishes for a cure soon.  Yes, the roll of the head.  Pounding and waves of pressure.  I ususally get out of bed when a bad one comes.  Laying there for me is no better than sitting up or reclining in a chair; and in a sitting position I feel like I have more control over what is happening to me... absurd, huh?

Oh and sorry for the 'no paragraphs' format of the story.  I dunno what happened between preview and post???

11/16/09 5:45pm

Thank you so much for breaking up your SharePost. It was very interesting to read.

 

Chronic pain is take its toll on our body, sould and family too. It is frustrating and exhausting, making us feel desperate and alone. I was so glad to see you posting again.

 

It truly sounds like it is time for an expert to take a look at you. Not just a neurologist who says they are a Migraine specialist, but a "true" Migraine expert. Here's the thing - neurologists may be fine doctors, but treat so many different conditions, like MS, stroke and epilepsy, is it hard for them to be experts in any one area. Migraine experts are just that, experts who treat one area - ours - Migraines and headache disorders.

 

You could think of it like this: when a pipe under the kitchen sink breaks, you an expert to fix it - a plumber. You could call a handyman who can do the job, then fix the drain, the cabinets and any or jobs that need doing. But he isn't an expert in the one area you need; plumbing.  Keep reading for information on: Migraine and Headache Specialists - What's So Special? Then you can take a look for a Migraine specialist on our patient recommended list.

I really hope you see a specialist soon, many people have gotten their life back together and it really is worth "one more doctor's visit!" 

 

 

Good luck

Nancy

11/16/09 11:36pm

Nancy,

 

Thank you so much for replying and the advice.  I posted more or less just to vent.  Though written in present tense the above story was written by me the day after the migraine it talks about.  I've had a couple pretty good ones recently so I posted that as a way of "complaining/venting".  Also I'm a closet wannabe writer/poet with no english skills or training that finds release and relief in putting funny or even serious (above story) stuff in print.

After having no medical support for the duration of my life until age 41 the neurologist my PCP referred me to here in Indiana has been a great help to understanding and reducing my migraines.  He's great.  However, I will take the list of doc's on the list and see which ones accept my insurance and then see if I can get a referral to one nearby. 

Thanks again!  Praeter13th 

11/20/09 10:05pm

AWESOME! Write away. I always want to make sure people have information when they need it.

 

This is a great place to vent away, we all need that, I totally understand. My garage seems to be my venting area right now. I can scream when no one is around and feel much better about everything, for a while  that is!!

 

Hang in there and write again soon, ok? 

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