It’s the time of the year when the holidays hit us, which typically means a lot of traveling and a lot of exposure to family that we haven’t seen in a long time. For me, the “haven’t seen in a long time” is usually a good thing, since I’m not a big social guy to begin with—but holidays and migraines usually have a bit of a strained relationship themselves.

First off, there’s the food aspect. For my family and in-laws, Christmas has always been a big food holiday. Even at work, this usually is the time of year for potluck lunches or going to the boss’s house for a holiday dinner. Each time this happens, there’s a guessing game involved called “what’s in the food.”

The “what’s in the food” game is necessary because certain foods can be migraines triggers, and you don’t want to be so rude as to just come out and say this—at least not in certain circumstances. My strategy is to weigh the consequences.

If I’m at home (or at the in-laws), a more direct approach usually works—but then most family members know the small number of foods that trigger migraines in me, and avoid using them in foods. If I’m in a work or social situation, it becomes more difficult. I’ll often flat-out avoid foods that I’m suspicious of, or use the approach of asking the person that prepared it, “That looks delicious, what do you use to get the flavor, Worcestershire sauce?” If I’m unable to get clear direction on the ingredients, I make a judgment call and either go for it (and take the consequences the next day), or just avoid it politely.

Another thing that can trigger migraines around this time of year is scents. Whether it’s the scent of a pine tree, your Aunt Mildred’s gallon of perfume, your mom’s potpourri, or too many mixtures of too many different people’s different smells in the same room, it might be enough to trigger a migraine. This isn’t one of my triggers, so I don’t have a solid answer for you on this one, just some advice: know your limits and stick to them.

At this time of year, we feel the need to be social and merry is more important than watching after our own health. I think this is pucky of the bull variety. The only way to stay merry is to stay healthy. If the smells of the season are starting to get to you, step outside and get some fresh air. If it’s really cold, either step away, or go outside and go for a drive. Get away for a few minutes—people will understand. That is, they’ll understand as long as you heed my next piece of advice . . .

Let your family and friends know about your migraines. Let them know about your triggers. It might be a hard conversation, because to a lot of non-sufferers, a migraine is just a headache. But once you get them to understand, they’ll cut you the slack that you need. And if they don’t, it’s time for the whole lot of you to show up on Dr. Phil to work out that particular issue.