So Tired of All This

   sigh... kinda down today. I'm so tired. I have so much to do but I hurt too much and am too tired to do them.

Hubby is away visiting his folks and seeing the family doc since none of the family docs up here will take his pain seriously.

I stay up way too late... past midnight. Yet I need to get up at six. I try to do aqua aerobics 3xs a week. Plus I've been doing a Biogenesys on my back to get rid of the pain. I can't clean house if every time I bend over my back starts to ache and burn. I hate this. I don't like being slowed down.

I've applied for SSDI but in the meantime I have to keep looking for jobs so I can get unemployment. Hubby can't work because his hypertension has destroyed his brain to the point he has a severe problem with memory plus he has fibromyalgia. But of course, the judge at his hearing didn't believe him. He called him a liar basically in the judgement. Threw out the testimony of all the witnesses and based his judgement on a few doctor's reports. And doctors don't make great reports. They are incomplete, short, and often have wrong information in them. So we appeal the judgement.

But meanwhile, after paying insurance, we have only $300 to live on and our dwindling savings.

I'm so tired of all this. I just want to go back to bed and not wake up till everything is all right.

I can't think or type right. Head feels so heavy. If I didn't have unemployment, how else could I have an income????? What are my options? My hubby is terrified about our money going down. He has a lot of anxiety attacks and makes no sense.  I don't want to be near him when he gets like that.  I can't help him and he gets mad at me because I can't be like him.

How do people make it if they didn't have unemployment coming in while waiting for SSDI and don't have a significant other bringing income in????

I can't imagine there are any options!

I'm too tired to think. My leg hurts still even after the cortisone shot. I'm hoping it works soon. It's been only 4 days. Soon I should know if it works.

I've gained so much weight since I left TNG. It's been over 3 months now. I didn't think I was eating that much: all vegetarian/vegan. But I gained 40lbs!!! What is going on??? My blood tests showed normal thyroid so it can't be that. I'm at the heaviest I've ever been. It's not right. I'm doing aqua aerobics 3xs a week still. What is going on?

I can't live like this. It's too much. I thought I was doing so good.

I wish I knew what was happening.