I think I have the worst marriage in the history of the world. I have had a migraine for 2 days now and my husband tells me to get off my LAZY BUTT and do something with my kids so he can take a nap? i'm not sure but when is this karma supposed to come back around>? He has started giving me a terrible time lately, and lets face it the only reason he is staying with me is because he thinks he won't have to work after i graduate from nursing school. Those in sickness and in health vows didn't mean anything though, and yes he DID know about the migraines before we got married. Ncan't believe one person could be so hateful. He is always complaining about the money my medicine costs. I am so tired of being married.
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11/19/07 8:38am
Hey Amy! I understand all about migraines and all the problems they include My heart goes out to you.
First let me say I am NOT taking sides. So hear me out,ok? After the migraine subsides and you have a chance to calm down take a step back and really look at the situation. Does it still seem as bad as before? If the answer is yes, then I agree with Denise, you need to sit down and tell him you will not put up with the abuse...this is a very real and serious illness...and you need some help and support from him. Then if it doesn't help decide on what your next step will be. You deserve better than that!
The reason I said to take a step back after you feel better is I know that when I am hurting I tend to blow things out of proportion. Then when I feel better I realize things weren't exactly as I thought.
Plus someone who has never experienced a migraine cannot truly understand what we go through. Educate him.
Anyway, I hope and pray you feel better soon and that you get the love and support you so deserve.
Anita
11/19/07 10:23pm
usually when the migraine subsides he is no better. Everyone wants their marriage to be happy ,but i don't think mine ever will because he can't handle my migraines and blood clots.Its not something i went to the store and deciceded to buy , and trying to get in nursing school too. with 3 kidswith very little help.Its crazy, he doesn't want to be here,
11/19/07 5:48pm
Even my ex-husband, who was a pill never treated me like than when I had migraines. As much as I would love to give you other suggestions on what to do to your husband, logic must prevail and he needs educated by you or your physician on what migraines are. Your physician, espeically if it's a man, might be the best person. He might hear it better from another. If that does not work, you two are prime canidates for counseling, because this type of treatment will continue with other issues in your life and if you do not deal with it now, it will only get worse.
How old are your children? While I have not wanted to appear to my children to be sickly, I have educated all along on what migraines are and how I treat them. We are very matter of fact about them. They are older now (16 and 17) I didn't really start that until they were in grade school and old enough to entertain themselves some.
Good Luck Amy.
Cindy
11/19/07 10:15pm
Thanks for listening to my whining? My kids are 7, 5, and 3. and I am also trying to get into nursing school. I have tried to be nice and copy things off for him to read or tried to get him to go to the neuro appointments with me he will sit in the car every time because he only cares about himself. He was the same way with my pregnancies and my life threatening bloodclots. I don't see the point of him staying but he won't go.
11/21/07 12:04am
Amy,
I'm so sorry you're in this awful situation. It's good that you're posting and getting some support.
Looking through what you've written, it hits me that you often call Migraines "headaches." That made me think of something that can be very helpful in getting other people to understand better. I NEVER, EVER call a Migraine a headache. Migraines are not headaches. If you have a headache during a Migraine attack, that headache is just ONE symptom. Sometimes, that headache isn't even the worst symptom.
Migraine is a potentially debilitating genetic neurological disease. I encourage Migraineurs to not use the words "headache" and "Migraine" in the same phrase even. People around us need to learn that Migraines are not "just headaches." People often take their cue from us, so I suggest breaking yourself of calling your Migraine attacks "headaches." Please take a few minutes to read Migraine - What Is It?.
Here's hoping things get better for you soon!
Teri
11/21/07 12:22am
11/21/07 12:29am
11/21/07 12:30am
Sigh. The URLs are long enough that they're too wide for these columns. Let me try again... Migraine - What Is It?
Teri
11/21/07 12:42am
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Amy,
Hello. I know it's easy for me or anyone to tell someone else what to do. I have a boyfriend (almost 4 years) and he has ADD and OCD. He can be very loud, and verbal. He has a temper like you wouldn't believe. But......I did tell him I would not take his Verbal Abuse. So, first, I want to say I know what it's like with migraines. I had to quit working because of them. Now I can sleep alittle more, and lie down and rest with my migraines. The stress of working is finally gone! I still get them, but boy it's better being home.
My boyfriend has 2 boys, 8 & 11 we get every other weekend. (my daughter is grown and 21) Well, my boyfriend is very, very good about being understanding about these migraines. It's hard to take care of kids, cook, and clean when your head is pounding off! Let alone the nausea, and all the other good stuff huh? Well, don't take that abuse. I'm telling you from experience, if you don't sit him down and talk and say look, this is a medical condition. I need your understanding, and help with the kids, it could get real ugly. So don't take that. It's not your fault you get them.
Good luck and hope you find some medication that helps. But you hang in there, but don't take it!
From Denise (A girl who knows!)
Amy,
He hates it there with you, but won't go. Sounds like he has some problems. You should tell him that this is a medical condition. It's not something we ask for or want. Why would we want migraines? To feel like this. We don't. It's not easy, and don't feel guilty. I know that's hard, but you hang in there, and I will pray for you too.
Sounds like he is stressing you out more, and that can only make the migraines worse. You take care of "YOU."
Good luck, and God bless!
Niecey