Sunday, May 27, 2012

Broken Promises

By cking Thursday, March 26, 2009

Broken Promises

          (In memory of Tater, with love)

 

If I could stack them, they would

tower over my aching head like

an ominous cloud;

they cast a shadow on my soul.

 

I promised my cat, age 21, the best of care.

Suddenly one early morning,

        she could not stand up.

 

I, too, could not rise from the floor;

(immobile, head pounding, severe dehydration

from expelling at both "ends" all night with a migraine).

The phone, beyond my reach.

 

My husband found us that night:

kitty never stood--or ate--again.

 

The incurable pain,

is not being "able"

when it matters the most.

 

The pain of broken promises,

letting down loved ones, lost opportunities;

as depressing as the pain of

headaches 15 days per month.

 

I am not without Hope.

Neurophysiologists seek headache causes.

Investigators test new drugs.

Physicians try new regimens.

Advocates lobby congress for help.

Patients support each other.

Please, hurry.

 

Meanwhile, the commitments I have broken,

they line up like soldiers.

They knock on the door to my conscience,

       a relentless army. 

 

 

 

 

 

4/16/09 3:25am

This really cut deep for many reasons, not least of which is relating to the commitments missed & the repercussions. Thanks so much for sharing.

4/30/09 12:22pm

Dear Jesskit:

Thank you for your comment and feedback.  The pain we experience is not ALL visceral pain.  I hope you are having a pain-free day and are able to accomplish all you set out to do.  It is amazing when we have days that we are able to function in "normal" ways!

Take care,

Clemmie

5/12/09 3:33pm

I'm so sorry for your loss. I just lost my own feline buddy yesterday, so this hit especially hard. Her beautiful voice purred me thru so many awful Migraines.  I will forever love her and be grateful to her for the way she changed my life and made it better.  Yet there were so many times I know I let her down because of my pain.

 

You're so right... those broken promises seem insurmountable, especially when compared with our energy and ability to do more. 

 

Warmest wishes for you.

 

Ellen

6/ 3/09 7:38pm

Dear Ellen:

 

I am so sorry you lost your kitty last month.  You must have had a very strong bond, as that relationship had such a wonderful impact on your life!

 

It is so devastating when we lose our pets, particularly if we have that incredible bond.  I hope that some joy has returned to your life by now.  We lost our other kitty about 3 months ago (not Tater, the pet written to in the poem, but a 16 year old tabby manx) and we are still reeling from that.  He died at an animal hospital after a "procedure" that went wrong.  Both our "children" are now gone.

 

Those days and opportunities that we lose due to headaches sometimes do haunt me.  I try not to revisit those thoughts and to think of the good times and loved and trust that was shared.  I hope you are feeling better by now.

 

Clemmie

By cking— Last Modified: 12/04/10, First Published: 03/26/09