Wow, I really felt your pain and anguish for all that you have been through in supporting your wife, throughout her life, with constant migraines.  Our spouses do go through so much, and it is very important for people to know that migraines are not a one-person disease.  If one person has them, then everyone else around them is affected by them.  Wouldn't it be so much better if a migraine sufferer could experience his or her pain in isolation (better still not to have migraines at all!), where it did not negatively impact those around him, such as friends and family members? 

My husband and my son used to go through so much anguish when I had a migraine.  My husband would get angry and yell at me, because he did not know what to do.  He couldn't get rid of the migraine and, for him, that was worse than anything else.  He was a fixer (he died two years ago) and not being able to "cure" me nearly tore him apart.  Even in the midst of my physical pain, I could feel empathy for him, and I would cry because I was negatively impacting him and our lives together. 

When we first started dating, he would call and invite me to a social function, and I would decline, due to a migraine, and he would be so disappointed.  It was a palpable feeling, and I experienced a great deal of guilt because of it.  I desperately wanted to go out with him, and I felt guilty when I could not go, due to a migraine.  It sometimes made me think that everyone would be much better off if I did not have a husband or kids or anyone else who got close to me.  It is terrible to watch your loved ones suffer because of something that is wrong with you.

Caregivers of people with migraines go through so much, and often people do not realize that or give it much thought.  After all, like you said, you are not the one having the pain.  I say, you ARE having the pain, right along with your wife.  It may not be physical but it is every bit as real as the pain your wife is experiencing.  It reminds me of when I was pregnant. My husband had sympathy pains like morning sickness and weight gain, right along with me.  I wouldn't  have believed it possible, if I hadn't seen it for myself.  So, please, I take issue with you saying you are not the one who is having the pain.  I believe you are - it is just different from what your wife experiences, but it can be every bit as handicapping as the pain your wife has.

Not being able to go out because of migraines.  Not being able to enjoy sexual intimacy because of migraines.  Not being able to work because of migraines.  The list goes on and on.  Your life is affected by migraine as surely as if you were the one with migraines.  I don't think you should minimize the effect that they have on your life (and your life with your wife).  Migraines can rob you of your life together, especially the quality of your life together, and you can feel like there is no end in sight.

I want to tell you, though, that things can get better.  Migraines do not have to be a never ending thing.  I once thought I would never be able to work again, have sex again, enjoy life again or anything that I liked doing again. Now, I am living almost migraine-free, and have been for the past several months.  I do have an occasional "ghost" migraine, but an Imitrex 100 mg tablet pretty much does the job of getting rid of it - especially if I take it right when the migraine starts.  If the migraine becomes severe, I take Imitrex injections and they often abort the pain right in the middle of an attack.  I have to lie down in a dark, cool room for about 20 minutes, but that usually does the trick. 

There is going to be something out there that will eventually work for your wife.  New medications are always coming out and other, alternative ways of preventing and treating migraines are being discovered.  I had five to six acupuncture sessions over a period of about a month or two (a long time ago), and my migraines went away for a complete year!  It was the most amazing thing!  If my migraines ever get to the point that they were before, I will definitely try acupuncture again.

Well, I have rambled on.  I just feel so badly for you because you suffer just as badly as your wife does - not for the physical pain, but for the loss of a quality life with your wife and everything that has been affected because of the migraines.  For me, the men in my life always wanted to "fix" me and make it go away.  And when they couldn't do that, they felt helpless and inept.  My husband used to become very angry when I got a migraine - not because he was mad at me, but because there was nothing he could do to make it go away (except for take me to the emergency room for a shot of demerol).  I later told him that all I needed him to do was just be there for me - I told him he did not need to fix me - I just appreciated that he stuck it out with me.  That is what you are doing for your wife, and believe me, that means the world to her.  Not many are so strong that they can endure a life of agony with chronic pain.  You are to be commended for hanging in there for the long haul.  I just feel that there is something out there for you and your wife; you just haven't found it yet.  I know it is hard to keep the faith, but it is vital for the two of you to remain positive that this situation will change.  Try a new doctor, a migraine specialist, a neurologist - whatever you can.  Don't give up until you have found what you are looking for - an end to the nightmare caused by migraines.  It can happen.

I wish you the very best and I think it is super that you came on-line, even when your wife could not do so, because of her migraines.  If I were having a bad migraine, I wouldn't be able to sit down and type in front of the computer screen either.  It would just exacerbate my pain.  I would be lying down in a dark, cool room with no sound and a cold compress on my forehead.  Migraine robs you of your life, but it doesn't have to be forever.  Twenty years is an awfully long time, to be sure, but it doesn't have to be that way for twenty more years.  I wish you the best of luck in finding something that works for your wife and hence, works for you (and any children you may have).  It would be so nice for both of you to be able to go out again and enjoy the simple pleasures that life has to offer.

Wishing you well in your never-ending quest to find some relief, I am

Kay

Tim orender

9/ 4/07 8:14pm

Wow. Thank You Kay. No one has ever seen it like that before. I know it I just won't say it, As in what it doe's to me. I don't want to sound like A cry baby when she is hurting so much. But then 99% of the people you talk to don't understand. I just want her to feel good and there's nothing I can really do. It's A helpless frustrating feeling. ER, And Demoral. Been there done that more time's than I can count. At least visiting this forum let's me know I'am not as alone as I thought I was.

Again thank you more than you know.

                                              Tim