Migraine and Headache Awareness Blog Challenge 2 – “A Bed of Clouds”
I sleep in the clouds, dream
in the sky, I'll keep dreaming
as life passes me by.
I think my dreams keep me sane,
I dream of happiness, a life without pain...
I think there are two ways to dream: The kind of dreams in your sleep, and the kind of dreams that spur action and hope. I think this poem can be looked at through both lenses and be positive, or negative…
The poem reminds me that dreaming is important to us personally, and what others think of our dreams really doesn’t matter. It’s not about them anyway. I can dream of a life without chronic illness and others chuckle at me either because they don’t think I’m sick in the first place, or because there are no cures for my health issues. Thinking about a life without me being sick seems ridiculous to those negative people in my life. But, dreaming is important so I can think forward and have something to strive for and work toward. For me, it’s a tool.
Escaping into our dreams is a mistake, however. When I was younger, and my Grandmother died, I remember spending a lot of time sleeping because I could be with her in my dreams. The hurting was gone, and all my teenaged problems vanished because I was creating this little world for myself where I had everything I thought I needed. Eventually I realized that there are some times that we need to remember reality. Live in what is real today – the good, and the bad. Sleeping away my life for the illusion of feeling better was addictive, and just made it worse.
I love to dream of what could be, but a serious medical mistake resulted in how I think. I could have died. As a result, I feel I’m living on borrowed time. The things I dream about are still incredibly important to me, but they’re real, and hopeful. Additionally, my accident left me with an incredible desire to experience the small things we all can find when we live in the present, like being a child all over again:
- A woolly worm crawling up a branch.
- A bird gathering twigs for her nest.
- A tree struggling to grow in the crack of a rock.
- The sound of the birds that sneak into the darkness of my bedroom during a Migraine attack.
- Hearing my horses munching grass.
- The sounds of our grown up baby goat softly talking to his mom.
Unfortunately, when I live in the present, it’s easier for me to feel left-out too. Yesterday was my son in law’s birthday, and we couldn’t celebrate it because I got sick. I tried to concentrate on the “now” but “now” meant that we were really somewhere we weren’t supposed to be for the day. We were home instead of celebrating. “Now” meant letting my family down again. Those times can make dreaming to escape, a tempting, but negative experience.
Dreaming can be about looking forward, or it can also be a round-about way we fool ourselves into remembering all the things that we feel we’re missing. I think this poem reminded me that living in those kinds of dreams can mean that we miss out on living the lives in front of us, wasting our days.
I don’t want to waste a thing! Sometimes God dreams bigger dreams for us than we do for ourselves. I didn’t pick this life. Wouldn’t have chosen it if I had been given that choice – it’s too durned hard. However, I’m here, and I can either spend my days regretting things past and dreaming foolishly about things that will never happen, or I can dream things that make me feel creative, hopeful and good, and help to keep me moving forward and working through this life toward something better. My dreams are what keep me supporting and advocating for a better life for all patients, because if I could ask God for a single wish, it would be the end of pain for us all.
“If you’re going through hell, keep going” ~Winston Churchill
Please share these Awareness Month blog posts with those who may not understand life with migraine and headache disorders, and stay tuned for tomorrow's entry!
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© Ellen Schnakenberg, 2014.
Last updated June 2, 2014.