It's very easy to get down when you're in pain, but suicidal thoughts, or nearly suicidal thoughts, are very dangerous. You need to report them to your doctor. Since you're between headache docs, your primary care doc may be the one to call. If you're taking an antidepressant, the dosage might need to be tweaked. If not, it might be a good idea in the short term. Many antidepressants make good migraine preventives. If you see a counselor, now would be a good time for a session.

I'm so sorry you're in such pain. I'm sure you're also ticked off. I know I get that way, in addition to feeling desperate. I get down too, but my antidepressants keep my thoughts away from hurting myself.

What a treasure to have such a loving family. And we're a family here, too. Feel better soon, and good luck with the new doctor. Hugs and kisses and prayers!

Gretchen 

Dear bimini colt:

No, of course your soul is not dead!  I believe it feels that way to you, but your soul is very much alive and eager to come back out into the light and to be pain free again.  All the pain you are experiencing has a way of zapping any energy reserves you might have had, and put you into a really bad spot.

You do NOT want to commit suicide.  Believe me, I have tried to do it, and it is not worth it.  My son asked me if he had done something wrong to cause me to try to commit suicide, and my heart nearly broke.  My son felt like he was responsible for my attempt!  That thought made me realize how very fortunate I was, to have a loving son and family who cared about me.  You also have a loving family; they are your support sysem.  Lean on them during these very difficult times.  They are your true family, and they will not desert you when the going gets tough.

I take Cymbalta for depression and it has the wonderful side effect of preventing migraines!  What a bonus!  Two for the price of one!  I call it my miracle medication!  No more depression or migraines - well, at least the majority of the time.

You have so much to live for.  You are a beautiful person who deserves the best that life can offer you.  Reach out and take what is rightfully yours.

Suicide is not the answer.  It is a very compelling feeling because it seems to answer all the questions that we have of our life filled with constant pain.  There ARE better answers out there. You will be seeing your new doc soon.  Call your primary doc for an appointment.  Do it now. 

I wish you the very best, and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.  If you ever want to just let loose and get some things off your chest, please e-mail me at kayomholt@hotmail.com.  I will be more than happy to listen to what you have to say.  You are worth it!  You are worth living for.  You have so much to offer and to receive; it just seems to be tucked away iinside of you for the moment.  Life is not static; it is always ready to change.  This pain will pass, and you will feel better.  I know this to be true, because I have been where you are.  It is a very lonely, scary place to be.  There is hope and there are wonderful things ahead for you.  Bide your time and this, too, shall pass.

Hoping for you to be pain free and back to your good old self again,

Kay