For this post, I'm going to tackle a subject that I don't think we discuss much in the Migraine community. Personally, I feel like I need to address it, if for nothing more than to explore the thought for my own benefit.
A few months ago, I admitted to my Migraine specialist that I felt suicidal when I am in the midst of a severe Migraine. I panic. When you are in that much pain, there isn't a whole lot of thinking going on, not on my end, anyway. I've paced my halls in the early morning, just wanting to put my head through the walls. Anything to make the pain stop. With a logical, mostly pain-free mind I know that suicide isn't the answer. I also know that I cannot be alone with myself when I am in that much pain, because I don't trust an irrational, storming brain. We're really not in our "right" minds with Migraine attacking.
Many people have committed suicide over Migraine. When you do not have the support or structure or knowledge to arm yourself with, attacks seem hopeless and never-ending. You get caught in a vicious cycle of medicating, fatigue, and pain. You may have others in your family who don't understand the limits that Migraine will push you to, so you end up feeling even more lost. Stroke risks aside, Migraine CAN be a killer, but while some of us worry about stroke, many more are wondering just how they are going to make it through the next day with no one around to help them. And yet, people keep brushing Migraine aside as an emotional, nervous affliction that can be easily fixed by drinking a daily mixture of vinegar or having your back adjusted regularly...Which makes no sense to me, but then, a lot of people don't stop to consider what makes sense.
Migraine sounds so easy, until you get into the meat of it all. Until you've shared your home with someone who suffers on a daily basis, so many people will continue to misunderstand, or even ignore what is right under their nose.
Migraine is very difficult to deal with. It leaves no mark on most of us after its wake, and we suffer unimagineably and invisibly. Many of us succumb to depression in response to these events, as if Migraine weren't bad enough on its own.
I do take Zoloft for my depression. It helps my anxiety more than it helps my depression, but I likely need an adjustment in the dosage. It's not a crutch to take an anti-depressant when you know you need additional help. It's nothing to be ashamed about to admit that Migraine may have you in a position lower than on your knees. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you've got deeper problems, but by admitting them you realize that you're willing to take back your life even if you know it's going to take more effort and time than you think you can offer to yourself.
Migraine is sometimes more than just fuzzy feelings, bizarre visions, and headpain. Migraine can take you places you don't want to go, even after an attack has concluded. With chronic Migraines, sometimes depression is the next step in the disease process. Support is very necessary for people such as ourselves. Knowing yourself is imperative, and giving yourself whatever can give you the most positive impact during an attack is something you need to allow yourself to do.
I totally understand. I suffer from PTSD, fibromyalsia, and chronic migraines. You are exactly right in that as sufferers we need support. This disease is not something that is easily handled on your own. Two years ago I attempted suicide and thanks to the Lord above help found me. I won't say it was the migraines alone but the effects that the migraines and depression played on my life drove me to a very dark place. Now I am proud to report that I have an unwavering support system and have minimized the stressors that I had at that time. My migraines are much worse, but the depression that I once had only surfaces in extremely stressful periods. I wish I had advice for those out there dealing with this as I have, but the only thing I can say helped me was my Faith and family.