I'm recent retiree from mgmt job & have unique perspective of both mgmt & employee views. My job was to support my superiors but to protect employees & myself. These suggestions apply to people who don't have medical disabilities as well. I've successfully fought against discrimination & harassment for gender & medical issues many times for myself & on others' behalf during my 30 yr career.  Documentation is absolutely essential to keep in your arsenal.  Companies have responsibility to make "reasonable accommodations" to employees who have medical conditions identified in the Americans w/Disabilities Act, but the company decides what is 'reasonable'.  (I was able to telecommute at times or work different hours, but my 1st line suprv was exceptional.)

You've already done one step but may need to follow up w/your boss or higher levels.   Some of these points would be modified if you see this person on a daily basis or work closely with them. 

1.  Know how far you're willing to go to get what you want. You could win this promotion, but be in a dead end job thereafter so always go thru proper chain of commands if you get stonewalled.  Know your company's HR policies but remember HR is representing the company, not you.  So you need to understand the organizational dynamics & the people & come up with win/win solution. Does your boss have a poor reputation for mgmt decisions? Has he done this to anybody else?  Is he known for making stupid comments or hypotheticals like his 'cancer' scenario?  Usually if a person discriminates in one category, they'll do it to others.  (One mgr wasn't supportive of employees until he hurt is back  too, then he told all of us how bad it was!!)  Know what time limitations are for filing Equal Employment Opportunity (EEO) complaints.  Written documentation would be critical. 

2.   Keep calm and professional at all times.  Make sure that you're not complaining alot to your co-workers about how unfair he is. Word will get back & it will be interpreted as you having a bad attitude.   Documenting your conversation in email  w/o angry emotion is very difficult. Anger can't be disguised or taken back.  Better to walk away & think about what was said, then follow-up w/email, "I've had opportunity to think about our conversation of ____.  It is my understanding that you are withholding submission of my promotion for reasons other than my job performance.  Although you acknowledged that I am currently performing at the promotion level,  you expressed some concern of my ability continue  to sustain my performance level.  I believe that I have repeatedly demonstrated my competence & capability to successfully perform my job responsibilities.... "  Mention special accomplishments & job performance appraisals that support your promotion request.  Look for evidence of additional responsibilities that you've been performing that are at the target level.  If you've already fired off a hot email, look for a way to turn down the heat.  Apologize if you must for losing your cool, but that you were just so surprised & disappointed to learn that the promotion request had not been submitted.  I would even say that I'd assumed he'd let me know immediately if he had any concerns about my performance or attendance. 

3.  If you've been absent alot recently (you mentioned TP inj), you could reiterate that you have completed your medical therapy. Also, it isn't unreasonable for mgmt to delay a promotion until attendance stablizes again.  I had my physician write a letter "To Whom it May Concern" ltr validating my medical conditions & what reasonable accommodations were required, i.e. chair, snacks during the day, whatever (I've got a multiple problems, migraines are just one of them)). This can be a double-edge sword though.   

3.  Your boss is not your friend. His objective is to get the job done & more money for himself.  He doesn't care whether any of us are having a bad day.  (Some even delight in triggering a headache if they can. I once had very arrogant & abusive male senior mgr say to me that everything he'd ever done to add pressure upon me, he'd done on purpose! Then his boss took an EEO class & asked the question of what he could do about employee (me)  who always had a headache?!!!) 

4.  Try to avoid repeating his prejudicial comments in writing unless you have to because it risks reinforcing ideas or polluting the minds of other readers.  Emails are not confidential & they will be shared!  Write the email like it's a memo for the record & can be forwarded to your next chain-of-command & possibly HR Dept head.  It's tricky about who & when to bring someone else into the discussion because you'll have to overcome or deal w/their prejudices too.  

5.  Stick to the facts of the company's promotion rates.  Numbers don't lie. See if others are promoted when eligible except for people who are part of a protected group (health status, disability, race, etc.)  Is your health status generally well known or it is confidential btw you & your boss?

6. Close email w/something like, "Please let me know if you have any additional concerns regarding my performance, attendance or issues.  I look forward to speaking with you further on this matter." 

7.  Depending upon your organization or if this gesture doesn't resolve the obstacles, then you might want to request a meeting w/him & someone from HR dept.  I have also dealt directly w/HR myself & cc: my chain-of-command. It just depends on the organization. 

8.  If it becomes apparent at some point that you're not going to be promoted strictly upon your health status even though you are doing the job. They don't have to keep someone who isn't able to do the work because of a permanent medical condition if it interferes w/their performance or attendance. (That's disability retirement or workman's comp.) That is different, though, from a temporary flare up or if undergoing medical treatment that will allow you to better manage your condition.

Hope this helps.  Good luck.

devgurl00

11/23/07 9:01pm

your thoughts really hit home. i don't want to get even. i just was so floored by my boss's comments. he has never been this way before. a friend said it really seemed like he had been picking on me lately. i don't know. i guess when you say your boss is not your friend, i think you're right. and i have always treated him that way. but he's not entitled to know everything about my health status, is he? i mean, if he asks how I"m doing, i can just say, i'm doing fine, thank you for asking. i don't have to say i've had 3 migraines in the past 5 days and i feel like i've been run over by a mack truck.

 

your comments really helped and i'm sure i'll be referring back to them. i appreciate it.

Anonymous

11/26/07 8:30pm

I typed most of this reply 2 nights ago but I lost it before it posted, so here goes again.

 

My point about your boss isn't your friend is still true in that they have to get the work done. That doesn't mean that you can't be friends with them or that they don't empathize w/your situation. They are not entitled to know everything about your health, but they are entitled to know if something that might put their projects, their reputation, their success on the line. Most bosses are rated by the performance of their subordinates. That might not sound fair, but that's the way it is. If he's been ‘picking' on you, he may be just acting out passive anger, especially if you've dropped the ball on him by saying you'd do something/project & then not be able to complete because of a migraine. Believe me, I know exactly where both of you are coming from on this. (I let my boss down way too many times also.) Maybe your chat last week will be soothing to both although there are just some communication differences between Mars & Venus so consider only giving short answers instead of a story. I'd come up w/some standard answers, i.e. I'm feeling better, thank you. My dr & I have found a treatment that's working for me, etc.

 

I also want you to consider that his motive of holding off on the promotion recommendation may have been because he first needed assurance that you would be able to fulfill your end of the bargain. He may not want to put additional stress upon you that the demands that the promotion will no doubt levy. A higher position or title means more responsibility & accountability & STRESS. It is one thing to be performing the work above your position. That's how people get ahead. But, when you're working above your position, you may not have the same level of "personal accountability" that you'll get after the promotion. You may be more responsible for others as well.

 

My boss was the mgr & is still my best friend. We worked side-by-side for 20 years. I was her deputy & I never wanted her job. (I preferred to be the advisor to the person in charge.) I knew my limitations & personal goals. I didn't mind her calling me at home, but I sure didn't want her boss calling me! But, over time my illnesses DID adversely affect my work performance. She knew it and I knew it. She cut me a lot of slack over the years that no one else would have done. Ultimately when I realized that I could no longer do the work or at the same pace, I told her and said I would be seeking an earlier retirement (which I recently obtained).

 

Sometimes people's motives are misinterpreted. That sounds like that is possible w/your boss. I think that when there is friendship, the boss has the harder job to balance work vs not letting friendship interfere w/your business decisions. 

 

I'll give an example from my experience. Six yrs ago, I strained my back when we were on business trip & I went to the ER and spent the week in a hotel room wondering how I was going to make it back cross country & home. That was the last work related flight I took. She never said I wasn't traveling any more because of my back. She decided that she needed me as the deputy to stay in the office. We both knew that wasn't the whole reason but it worked into my plans as well. Technically I could say that I was discriminated against because of the prejudice of my medical problems.  She knew I traveled on vacations & such, but truth is I wasn't sure I wanted to risk those long flights any more.  I also knew she was taking one of the less senior employees because I couldn't always be counted on. My intentions were good, but my body was frail. That less senior employee advanced very quickly too. Competition is tough.

 

My boss/friend always knew that she could call me at home any time day-night-weekend to discuss work or personal problems & that I'd stay up working thru nights to get something completed. That's the world of Info Tech & we both know that STRESS is a BIG trigger for migraines or any headaches & overlapping conditions. And Info Tech is one of the most stressful & competitive career fields around! Here's some points I think merit emphasis:

 

1. Realize your own reality. This is the only life you get and only you can decide how you want to live it w/the people/family that are most important to you. You need to make a realistic assessment of your capabilities & constraints.

 

2. Nobody gets promoted as a one time award. That's what a bonus is for. An employee should get promoted because they have demonstrated "sustained performance" with competence, skills, & dedication to duty. Employers have every right to expect that the promoted employee is going to keep up w/the pace. What I'm concerned about is that now you've given your boss the assurance that you'll do the job while indicating that you'll work your 40 hours. That's not what is getting your promotion and I'll bet that even though emotionally you'd like to stick w/the 40 hours a week, you'll still keep working in over-drive because that's what the job demands--and Info Tech is challenging & fun.

 

For the short-term, you might want to reconsider some of your aspirations in light of your whole situation that includes your health, husband & other responsibilities. Don't set yourself or your boss up for failure. If you want and get the promotion, then you have to be able to do deliver the work as expected. Otherwise, it's more difficult to readjust your career plans & working relationships if it doesn't work out. For the long-term, I'd recommend considering some of the other IT support specialties. I transitioned from very technical hands-on duties ultimately to the acquisition side of it. You've already made some significant adjustments working from home. Good luck & I'll watch for your posts.

I am so sorry and I totally undserstand they are deeming you fatal before they give you a chance.

If you were ready for a promotion and had proved yourself then you should have had the chance.

If you got teh promotion then had ot take alot o ftime off then the company could say to you we need someone more readuly available and tehn you could have sat down together and tried to work something out

I understand from employers points of view but they cant just bypass you if you deserve to at least be validated for the promotion

Can you sit with them and explain that and tell them to put you on a probationary period

GOod Luck

Bev

I'm going to throw this comment in for everybody because I think it could be beneficial from a reality check. 

The best thing for now is for any employee to find a way to calm the situation down for the best workable outcome for both employee & her boss.  In most cases, if a situation can't be worked out btw the employee & the boss (and this one sounds like it can), it is almost always self-defeating to bring in HR, talk of unions, or file discrimination, or think about attorneys.  All that is going to do is crank up the heat & add so much stress that would be unbearable for any migraine suffered.  Lawyers cost money & they don't have to accept the job.  I don't think there's much of a claim here anyway. It 'could' be if there was a 'pattern' of discrimination over a period of time & possibly w/other employees.  But after further discussion, it sounds like this will be able to be worked out. 

I just wanted to add this insight to the thread for other's benefit as well.  I spent 20+ years mentoring employees thru all sorts of work issues including administrative grievances that I helped others successfully win.  In fact I ultimately did file an EEO claim against a upper mgmt jerk over my health & gender harrassment & discrimination, but it was as a LAST resort and I did it with stipulating what I considered would remedy to the problem.  I won easily hands down.  What I requested from the organization was a formal apology & agreement that I would not ever have to work w/that guy again.  Upper mgmt agreed to my terms, the guy (who was the Director's deputy) was reassigned, & I was able to concentrate back on my work w/o all of the additional stress he'd been putting on me. 

I think a happy resolution can be reached here & that's what we're all here for, to help our fellow migraine suffers live the best life that they can.  I just don't want to fan the flames if it can be avoided.

devgurl00

11/27/07 10:57pm

Yes, perhaps I should provide an update on what's happening with my situation.

 

My boss fretted for a long while after his comments to me, apparently. He called the next day and apologized profusely. He said that the company certainly did not believe that people with chronic illnesses were not promotable -- in fact, that health had nothing to do with promotability. It sounded to me like this was HIS issue and not the company's. So we talked about my work and my value as an employee rationally and calmly and he agreed that it is time for promotion and has submitted the promotion request up the chain of command as of today.

 

Whether they actually promote me or not will be a different matter. However, I kind of expect them to do it and do it quickly because of boss's comments to me.

 

We buried the hatchet and are working together again amiably.

 

Since I had no written proof of anything, just what was said over the phone, I wasn't anywhere near filing a discrimination suit or anything. I mainly was just frustrated and it sounds like other people have dealt with this type of thing before.

 

I thank everyone for their words of encouragement, wisdom, and reason. I will keep everyone posted as to the outcome.