In the past month or so, my migraines, which have been somewhat controlled since about March of this year, have gotten a bit worse. I have noticed for about 4 weeks now that at least once a week I get a real monster, the kind that doesn't respond to medication, completely incapacitates me, makes me nauseous, won't let me sleep, takes a full day to recuperate from--I am sure you know how it is. I have been having migraines still about 3 days a week, which is good for me, and they are better in that they aren't as intense and respond to medicine easier than they did before. But now, I get scared, because I don't know if this new thing of one really bad one per week is a trend, or merely a glitch that will go away soon. I have been under a little more stress lately, maybe, and this time of year I do tend to get a little worse for some reason, but again, that doesn't give me a clear sign of what the future holds as far as this new development goes.
With all this talk of babies, it's just scary. I finally feel ready after 10 years of marraige and 9 years of near intractable migraine to have a child. The one giant unknown is my migraines though. Every time I have thought about having a child before, I have had a flare up of migraines and I get scared away from it. I have never gotten this far down the road toward pregnancy though, as far as meeting with an OB and getting all my doctors on board with a treatment plan and planning to remove my IUD and all that stuff. I really don't want to be scared away. I want kids, and my husband, bless him, has never pressured me but is desperate for a child.
A huge component of my migraines and resulting depression has been fear, fear of what they have done to my life and what they can do again in the future. It sucks to be afraid of something like that. I don't think much about the boogeyman, but man, those migraine monsters are scary!
Of course, there isn't an answer for this. I imagine we all deal with some fear over how they have wrecked our lives. I guess I just don't want to be a mommy who is sick all the time, and I am scared that could easily happen.
These are just a few thoughts I am having tonight.
Julie
Hi Julie!
I think it's natural to feel afraid when we notice a big change in our migraine pattern. Do you think it might be time to talk with your doctor and see if your preventatives need a little adjustment?
I'm a Mom with migraine...and I'm definitely NOT superMom! I have MANY days when I'm sick, and I beat myself up about it a lot...But I'm learning that my children are very sensitive little people by virtue of having a Mom with migraine. They can tell I am sick before I even need to mention it. They are very protective of their friends and they always want to call or stop by if they know a friend has been sick or out of sorts. If they notice someone crying or looking sad, they are first in line to give out hugs and love.
I've talked about this before, but my kids (ages 4 and 6) are more independent than most of their peers because I am not always able to take care of their every need. We keep a snack drawer in the kitchen and a snack shelf in the fridge. They know how to pour their own drinks, make cereal, and find a snack. They help one another with crafts, projects, and they play together well.
I know you don't want to be a sick Mom. I don't want to be one either. But I wouldn't give up motherhood for ANYTHING!! My kids keep me going when I feel like giving up. They teach me new things every day! And they definitely make me want to take extra good care of myself--they deserve to have the best Mom I can be!!
I'll be thinking of you!