I get scared sometimes

In the past month or so, my migraines, which have been somewhat controlled since about March of this year, have gotten a bit worse.  I have noticed for about 4 weeks now that at least once a week I get a real monster, the kind that doesn't respond to medication, completely incapacitates me, makes me nauseous, won't let me sleep, takes a full day to recuperate from--I am sure you know how it is.  I have been having migraines still about 3 days a week, which is good for me, and they are better in that they aren't as intense and respond to medicine easier than they did before.  But now, I get scared, because I don't know if this new thing of one really bad one per week is a trend, or merely a glitch that will go away soon.  I have been under a little more stress lately, maybe, and this time of year I do tend to get a little worse for some reason, but again, that doesn't give me a clear sign of what the future holds as far as this new development goes. 

With all this talk of babies, it's just scary.  I finally feel ready after 10 years of marraige and 9 years of near intractable migraine to have a child.  The one giant unknown is my migraines though.  Every time I have thought about having a child before, I have had a flare up of migraines and I get scared away from it.  I have never gotten this far down the road toward pregnancy though, as far as meeting with an OB and getting all my doctors on board with a treatment plan and planning to remove my IUD and all that stuff.  I really don't want to be scared away.  I want kids, and my husband, bless him, has never pressured me but is desperate for a child. 

A huge component of my migraines and resulting depression has been fear, fear of what they have done to my life and what they can do again in the future.  It sucks to be afraid of something like that.  I don't think much about the boogeyman, but man, those migraine monsters are scary!

Of course, there isn't an answer for this.  I imagine we all deal with some fear over how they have wrecked our lives.  I guess I just don't want to be a mommy who is sick all the time, and I am scared that could easily happen. 

These are just a few thoughts I am having tonight.

Julie