I am currently being seen by a pain clinic. For those of you who aren't aware of what a pain clinic does, it monitors, dispenses and offers alternative treatments to narcotics in chronic pain patients. To dumb it down that much does what they is a disservice for what it represents, because, at least the clinic I go to, tries to help the whole person- treat the pain, treat the mind and treat the soul. I have been taking some form of narcotics off and on for the past 6 years, and for the past year, almost exclusively. Until today I was taking MS Contin, a continuous release form of morphine. Today, I had an appointment in the pain clinic that changed a few things.

It was becoming painfully apparent to both K and me that the morphine was no longer working. I was sent to the pain clinic because dealing with long-term narcotic treatment is out of the sphere of most general practitioners. I appreciate that, and am glad that places like the one I am lucky enough to go to exist.

The problem is that people like me are rare. Most migraine sufferers respond to one of the more common remedies. Triptans, ssri's, beta blockers, anti-depressants to name a few. Most people with migraines find a great amount of relief from drugs like Imitrex, Relpax, Maxalt- triptans that work to abort a migraine in progress. We have all seen the over-the-counter remedy commercials too. "If you have migraines, you know pain." Again, many people get relief from a 2 cent tablet. I am not one of the lucky ones, one of the normal ones. I have spent the past few years of my life as a human guinea pig. I have tried everything under the sun. I have been to faith healers, chiropractors, neurologists, internists, acupuncturists, you name it, I've tried it. The big thing at a pain clinic is to get you off of narcotics, to learn to function through the pain. This approach works well for people with joint pain, muscular pain, really any kind of pain other than migraines. And I have tough migraines.

I was told today that one of the big things about keeping patients on narcotics for long-term, are the social consequences. Social consequences? I can see the social consequences of being in constant pain so easily. I have lived those very consequences for the past 6 years. I have lost friends, missed movies that I really wanted to see, given up hopes of holding down a full-time job, and most of all, missed out on some of my kids' lives. Social consequences?

And then I got it. I think. Society places so much value on working through pain, not admitting that you need something else to make it through the day. That's why they worry. I think. I also think that part of it is that some of the drugs commonly given to pain patients are abused on the street. That there is a stigma involved with taking methadone(that's for heroin addicts!), oxy-contin(a drug with many "recreational" users), vicodin, percocet, the list goes on. It tends to make people loopy, happy, and to, as a friend of mine put it- "put fuzzy, happy edges on everything". But to those of us with chronic pain, they are important tools in our arsenal. They are the tools that allow us to help our children with homework, cook dinner, write blog entries. As scary as they can be, they are a necessary evil, one that I am happy to have on my side. I don't recommend it to everyone, but used under a doctor's supervision, within certain limits, narcotics can help. It does not mean you are weak, or unwilling to work through pain, it means that you are willing to take on the stigma that goes along with it.