I rarely have a migraine-free day anymore. They come with severe, often stroke-like symptoms that so far remain beyond my control, so I find myself becoming more and more hermit-like as I deal with the pain which is rarely understood by anyone not suffering from migraines, and the other symptoms associated with my headaches. Although I have often had migraines in public situations, I have become a pretty good actor, and usually look for a quiet, dark, out of the way place wherever I am, or simply retreat to the car. Sometimes there simply is nowhere to go and I am trapped. My latest episode was terribly humiliating, and as a result has really changed my life and much of who I am. In a way, it broke me down like the last straw on a camel's back. One of the symptoms attributed to migraine for me is Aphasia- the inability to communicate and/or understand language. In this case it happened during a simple phone conversation with someone wanting to buy some acreage from us. Everything was fine when suddenly, it hit me. No one else was home, I couldn't simply hang up on the gentleman- he is our neighbor and would have been highly offended. I could still get a few jumbled up, halting, nonsensical words out, but nothing that made any sense no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't even tell him "I'm Sorry" or that I needed to hang up the phone. He laughed and I was finally able to somehow get out I had taken some pain meds (not) and at that moment hubby came home and saw my distress. I tried to speak to him and he knew what was happening and took the phone as I began to sob uncontrollably right there on the floor. The neighbor (a prominent well respected person in the community)will still not speak with me, and I am honestly too afraid to try to speak with him. Apparently it did cause some bad feelings and therefore problems with our land deal as well. Quite simply I offended him with my actions and whatever it was that did or didn't come out of my mouth. He doesn't want to understand, nor do I want it explained in detail to him. I have asked my hubby not to say anything to anyone because in our small community, I do not want to be labeled and dis-respected as "brain damaged". The neighbor does not know about the migraines- I do not tell many people as the small community where I live, people who suffer with migraine are not taken seriously and often chided for their weakness and inability to deal with stress- a common misconception as the only cause of one of these awful headaches. The irony is, that one of my greatest joys is teaching children and adults about horses, and working as a CERT (Community Emergency Response Team) coordinator/Instructor. I love public speaking and being with and speaking with people. I had to give up my job as Dispatcher for the local Sheriff's Dept. because of the Aphasia as I was afraid it would someday endanger someone's life, and to this day remain unemployed. The migraines are so bad that I am functionally disabled nearly every day. I am now giving up my farm and my dreams because I can no longer care for the horses. Each day I pray that someone will be able to help me live a somewhat normal life again in a house whose windows aren't covered with black plastic to keep out the light, and a face constantly hidden by large dark sunglasses, and I continue my search for the "magic cure" we all hope is out there for us. Ellen

Ellen, Boy, do I feel for you! I was at the point of hardly ever having a Migraine-free day, and it was beyond horrid. What turned things around for me was getting myself to a true Migraine specialist. Don't know where in Missouri you are, but I do know a great specialist in Springfield. Please know that you're not alone. We'd love to have you stop by our forum and chat with us. http://forums.healthcentral.com/discussion/migraine/forums. Best of luck to you, Teri