Mystery of Misery

after all these painful seconds, minutes, hours, days

of desperately searching to discover your secret

all these weeks, months, years

of steadfastly seeking the key to you

to open you wide for me to understand, for all to see

your hideousness, unbearable pain, sickness and grief

that drive me to darkness

all the minutes, hours, and days of my life

you have stolen, for nothing

while I tried to pierce your heart with needles

destroy your soul with potions and pills

follow the firing neurons, blood vessels, chemical stew

that create you

I stop struggling, experimenting, hating

and instead surrender, accept, live around you the best I can

do what I can when I can

until you attack again with fresh fury, leave a new clue

or I read of more brain science, studies, promising treatments

and wearily, grudgingly, resentfully reach for my sleuthing tools

to begin again my Sisyphean challenge

of solving you

my mystery of misery