Here I sit, realizing I just turned 34 and I really don’t have much to show for all of those years. I feel as if I have led quite a purpose-less life.
Age 34
No “career,” no children, I still have not obtained a full college degree.
I have left no mark on this world.
If I were to die tomorrow,
Who would remember me?
What would I be remembered for?
Sadly, I realize
I would be remembered as that “sick” girl
the one who has all those “headaches.”
the one who always cancels,
the one who lets her friends and loved ones down,
the one who never quite finishes what she starts.
Then I began to think of myself as a prisoner
trapped in this awful, sick body.
Oh, the things I could do if I were free
I would be a great wife,
I would be a great mother,
I would be great at so many things.
You see, underneath all of the pain and medication,
there IS a PERSON
she is just very lost,
and can not seem to find her way.
Oh, the dreams and ambitions she once had
You would not believe all she wanted to do and be!!
That was BEFORE
BEFORE the illness,
BEFORE the medication,
BEFORE the depression,
BEFORE the hopelessness.
This is NOW
NOW she feels hopeless,
NOW she feels like “what’s the point in trying?”
NOW she feels like she only fail,
NOW she feels like giving up.
Next: Helicopter Head
