It's starting to sink in a little.

By Jackie_D Friday, October 03, 2008

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I was just recently diagnosed with MS. I think I'm still in shock. It hasn't really sunk in yet. All day and all night it's all I can think about and it's stressing me out way more than it should. That's my way of coping with things. I think about it all day and night and study about it and learn all I can about it, the good, the bad and the ugly. I think I'm beginning to realize just how BIG this is. My life is never going to be the same. I'm so scared and I just don't know what to do now except to make sure to hold my children and husband a little closer and tell them I love them more often. I'm only 27 years old, happily married, and I have 4 children ages 5 and under. I'm not asking why me, because that would lead to why not and why others. I just want to be normal again. It seems like each day now things are getting worse. More symptoms keep popping up. I've been on oral prednisone for just over a week now and it's doing nothing. A couple of times I've taken vicoden when the pain got really bad, but even though my dr said to take it as needed, I can't do that too often because I have to keep a clear head to be able to care for my family. My biggest fear is that I'm going to become a burden to them. My goal is to never allow that to happen. Already my husband has been such a help to me when he's home, but he works full time and I really hate putting too much on his shoulders when he already does so much for me. I don't think this has really sunk in for him either. We've talked about it, and he's promised me that he will stay open with me about it and not bottle it up, but I worry about him still. I'm going to call my Dr today and speak to him about other treatment options to take care of this flair-up until I can get on the shots. My neurologist said that probably won't be for about a month or so. I just pray that it won't take that long for me to feel a little better.

Comments (4) | Add comment

Mike

10/ 3/08 9:15am

Hello Jackie,

Once we have been told it is all any of us can do , cope with it.

I have long held the belief that this thing won't beat me and you must think the same.

My own particular inspiration comes from my late father who fought in Burma during the second world War and when his kneecap was blown off by shrapnel from a mortar shell he still got himself back to a place where he could recover , he had help from the fantastic men from the Ghurka regiment , but he didn't give up, I've always tried to think of that when things are a little bit difficult.In comparison ton what my father had to go through it is only a 'bit' difficult.

There must be something in your own life experience or someone you have heard of doing a brave or selfless thing that you can draw strength from and I'm sure you will.

As for the medicines, there are advances being made all the time, and I'm sure that life will get better for all of us who have MS in the not too distant future.

Your family will be a strength to you.

Best of luck and stay strong.

regards

Mike

Lisa Emrich, Health Guide

10/ 3/08 4:45pm

Hi Jackie,

What you are feeling right now is completely normal. The initial shock of a diagnosis and the following flood of emotions can knock anybody off their feet (pun intended). I wrote about this very topic recently. The more you can share with your husband, the better. Certainly he has a lot of fears of the future just as you do.

Know that there are many people here who have been right where you are now. You are not alone in this. Please continue to share what's going on and tap into the support. Try to rest when you have an opportunity and ask for help when necessary.

Merely Me, Health Guide

10/ 4/08 7:47pm

Hey Jackie...

I just want to come over there and give you a big hug. I want to tell you it will all be fine but honestly I don't know. I don't know for myself or anyone who has MS. This disease is so unpredictable. It has been a year since my diagnosis and I think I am still in shock too. It is all so crazy...one day you think you are doing fine and then wham...you are hit with this! But the good news is...that there are so many things coming down the pike as far as research and medicine which can help. If we had this twenty years ago...they would have just given the diagnosis and said see ya later.

I think for all of us having to deal with this disease...we have those thoughts of becoming a "burden." But you gotta stop thinking that way because...hey...if it were someone else in your family going through this...you wouldn't think this about them...you would love them and help them. Rely on your family, your friends, and your supports.

Have you gotten hooked up with the National MS Society yet? They were so helpful to me...sent me a free book about MS, they got me hooked up with a free gym membership, they have conferences and literature and support groups. It is a good thing.

I am so glad you are reaching out here...lots of good people here in this community who have been through a lot. Don't be afraid to ask questions or for support.

You are gonna make it through this. I know you are frightened. Take things one day at a time...and we will be here for you.

Please keep writing and letting us know how you are doing and what is happening with your symptoms and treatment. You are in my thoughts.

Woman in waiting

10/21/08 3:19pm

You were so strong in the beginning of all of this. I believe if you find that strength again, you will be able to better help ease your worries. The only thing I can say is, own this disease, don't let it own or define you!!!! I may be out of line in saying such a thing, but I believe it can help! You are a strong and inspiring person, that has given light to so many others.

I have no idea what you are going through because I haven't been diagnosed. I am in the waiting and watching zone. Three and a half years ago I had several symptoms (not knowing it at the time) and after a severe situation I went to the ER. I told them what was going on and they decided to do an MRI. They didn't like the results it was showing, and did another one with contrast. There are white lesions on the left side of my brain. I saw a Nuerologist and after testing and bloodwork, they were able to rule out everything except MS. I was instructed to go back and have 2 MRI's every six to twelve months. The first time I went back in was a year and a half later. The lesions had grown only very minimumly. That was two years ago. After the first of the year I will go back in and do it again. My symptoms do re-occur, and I do notice new ones.

The first time that I went in I didn't have insurance and was recently divorced with three children. I often wonder if that didn't play a part in the lack of interest in regards to my case. Since then, I do have insurance, work full time, and am a volunteer First Responder/EMT in the very small community I live in, and attend online college full time as well as I am a FULL time mom. I guess I have just got to the point that I keep quiet about my symptoms and ailments, and wait.

It's starting to sink in a little.

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