I fluctuate in my thinking about MS. Sometimes it seems to be all I think about. I can get worried and feel down. I have dramatic thoughts about "worst case scenarios", which I play the lead role. These thoughts make me very fearful of any plans toward the future. No, I can't buy a house with front steps, or No, I can't have bedrooms on the second floor. No, No, No. No plans, no certainty. Ugh!
Luckily, reality sets in and I realize that there is much more to life than my MS. I have close family and fun friends. People that I help out with things that I do well and people that help me when I need it. By keeping the MS as a part of my life, it doesn't get to consume me. I have other interests. For example, I belong to a book club. It is a group of a dozen friends that share laughter, good books and stories of our lives. Half of them don't even know that I have MS. It is not about that. I allow myself to step away and be the real me, the old me, not just the patient. I want to be able to talk about other things. Have other slices of my life.
I joke around that when I'm fatigued and tell my kids that I need to get some rest, they reply, "Can you get me a drink on your way to the sofa?" It's not that they're insensitive, it's just that MS is here. We live with it, but we're also busy. With soccer practice, swim meets and Boy Scouts, our lives are filled. It is not only about the big exacerbations, but the little quirks of daily life. You can't stop the "real" you over MS. There is just to much to see, too much to do, too much to enjoy.
Published On: October 29, 2007