The Great Divide

I sat with my accountant to file my taxes this week. UGH! I dread it every year. Partly for the number crunching and partly because of my MS. Yes, I said MS.

I feel like there is this "Great Divide" between what I want to do and what I can actually do. Every year I leave my accountants office saying that next year will be better. I will work more and earn more. Yet, I always come in his office and say the same thing. Gee, I don't know what happened...

In reality I know exactly what happened. My energy level is just not there. I need to be hustling, but I just don't always have the "get-up-and-go" energy. My mind lays out my business plan and my body says otherwise. It is a tough spot to be in. Not disabled enough to get disability but not energetic enough to work full time.

My non-blood relative called me the other day. She was diagnosed with MS about ten years ago. She left her teaching job to raise her two beautiful daughters. Health wise she is in excellent shape. She runs daily and has dreams of competing in marathons. When I spoke to her, she said that she has had quite a bit of vertigo, especially after running. We commiserated that we both needed to bridge the gap between what we wanted to do and what we can do (that won't overextend ourselves and stress us out).

When we talked happily about our "future" jobs, she laughed and said, "Who are we kidding?" That really hit home. Am I just kidding myself, or will this Great Divide spread even farther?