I love this post. It reminded me today to think about the people I love and their perpectives again in dealing with what is happening in my world. Your mom's comments were heartfelt and brought tears to my eyes. She made me think of my mom and what she's feeling at this point with the ambiguity and uncertainty. She's at the hopeful stage of me beating the odds and that makes me hopeful. Mom's are the best. Thanks Lisa - this was great.
Suz
Hi Suz,
Our mothers are very similar. Mine honestly didn't believe that I'd ever develop MS, so we didn't worry about it. I think that certainly did help during those five years between the optic neuritis and final diagnosis.
When I read my mother's responses, I teared up too. Very honest and sincere answers. We don't get to see that kind of honesty too often on the internet. I'm so glad that she agreed to do this.
This week my boyfriend is sharing his responses to the questions I posed him. He had a lot to say!!
Boy - i'll look forward to your boyfriend possibly shedding some light on that aspect as well. my husband and I are having some difficulty navigating this whole thing. While I have become more of a homebody - due to energy (and I honestly think I;ve just have become that way and enjoy my home and quiet), he's extremely social and needs that. So I tell him to go go go and he wants me to go go go with him and i have no desire to. While he understands I'm not interested at this point in going out as much, staying up, even talking or being in a large group with lots of noise and banter as much, he also wants me to be with him. So he goes, I stay, and therein lies the distance that is created. It's tough. At the begining he would tell me how much he missed his wife (me). Someone told me he was grieving too and to just be patient. I was, but finally i had to ask him not to say that anymore because I was feeling giulty over not being the person I was. But really who is? we all change in someway or another as we get a bit older for different reasons right? anyway - thanks so much as always
Suz
Suz,
You've brought up a very important situation which seems to develop for many of us. While this interview with Rob doesn't address our separate social needs, perhaps we can do another one which does.
Fortunately from the very beginning of our relationship, Rob and I continued to have our separate interests. For instance, he loves gaming and I never did get into D&D even in high school. I encouraged him to go and enjoy himself while I stayed home or did something else. Sometimes when I'm feeling more emotional, I'm the one who wishes he might skip his events and stay home with me.
Sometimes when we're out and about, and I get that glazed and exhausted look while jumping at any big noise, he often asks, "Is it too loud for you?" My reply is an honest yes. His reply is often, "We can go anytime you want." And he means it which is nice.
I agree with you that people change over time regardless and relationships evolve or adapt. I hope that you and your husband find a way to enjoy each other's company while also being social, without completely wiping you out in the process.
We are really in the thick of it lately - even tho we have a strong foundation of friendship. It's just readjustment and growing pains. We just had a discusson this morning to the fact that there are insecurities on my part that I am not such a social part of his life. I truly enjoy people and talking, but it can be limited. We try to make it together to earlier events and he looks at me when i too have that glazed look and says "you're shot - Are you ready to go?". And it's never an issue with him. So i get it and appreciate his understanding. But with summer i tend to hibernate even more, when everyone else seems to be socializing even more, so it's a pickle and I feel left out even tho i'm not. I guess that's part of it too. I'm still adjusting to me at this point as well. we certainly communicate better and more calmly about our feelings, so that's good. It's just digging through it all that can hurt a bit. Thanks Lisa - this has been really interesting and really relevant for me right now.
Suz
Thanks Lisa for bringing us in to this conversation with your mom. My family and I live in the same (though separate!) house as my mom and her husband. While we made the decision to do this in order for us both to afford living in the town we wanted- we all knew that this proximity would help us help each other. It is often an odd feeling that that my 68 year old mom (a very vibrant 68 I should add!) has to care for me when I'm having tough times, but at the same time it is very soothing. And my daughter LOVES having her grandma upstairs. I can certainly appreciate the relationship you and your mom have, and recognize the comfort and support she offers you, and likely you her. We never hear the "you could call me once in a while" line that others contend with! ;)
I'm happy to learn that your mom, as mine, is there for you in the way only a mom can be. I hope that in spite of my limitations I can do the same for my daughter Madeline.
All the best to you both!
ag
Hi Amy,
Oh my goodness, here is another similarity that we have. While it certainly feels odd to be 41-42 and still living with a parent, it is helpful. Only someone who has been there can truly understand.
I'm sure that Madeleine will feel the same closeness you have with your mother. She has such a great example of a good relationship right there within her own house. That is priceless.
I hope that you are doing well.
XOXO
I like the way you said you and your mother have grown from relatives to friends. That is almost every mother's wish, but it often does not happen without a catastrophe of one kind or another.
My mother was with me through my years of getting to a diagnosis. She tried to help me even when she was beyond help herself because of several strokes. She died early last year and I still miss her.
Amy says she hopes to have that kind of relationship with Madeline, and I some think she will.
Vicki,
I'm so sorry that you lost your mother last year. I know that it is something that will happen eventually, I hope that my 60-year old mother will be here for a good long time. Interestingly, it was a catastrophe of sorts (not health-related) which brought us closer together. But the final result was worth it. :)
I hope that others might stumble across this and perhaps reach out just a little further to move from relatives to friends with their own family members and loved ones. I agree that it is something which doesn't happen too often, but it is special.
Thanks for your wise comments Vicki. I gain so much from them. :)
Hi Lisa,
We don't deal with MS, but we do manage several other health conditions. I came across an old post of yours dealing with FDA, medicines, and consumer interests.
Although off-topic for this particular post, I thought you might be interested in the FDA transparency efforts. There is about a week left to comment on their 21 proposals, some of which might be of great interest to your group.
http://www.fda.gov/downloads/AboutFDA/WhatWeDo/FDATransparencyTaskForce/TransparencyReport/GlossaryofAcronymsandAbbreviations/UCM212110.pdf
Best wishes.
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Lisa - great idea!
Lisa's mom - you seem like a great mom...and very honest.
Emily
Hi Emily,
Thanks for your comment. I think my Mom is pretty cool as well. She's a great support when I need.