MultipleSclerosisCentral.com and several other HealthCentral communities are marking Domestic Violence Awareness Month by posting information and personal stories about the issue and how it relates to those living with chronic illness. Posts will be added to our special Domestic Violence Awareness Month page throughout October.

When we think of domestic abuse, what comes to mind?  The woman who is beaten and afraid to leave the relationship.  Elderly who are at the mercy of spouses, children, or hired help.  The spouse who may not hit but who controls all points of contact with the “outside” world.  The spouse or boyfriend who belittles, isolates, or limits access to financial resources.  The disabled person and his/her caregiver who begin to get crushed by the relentless pressure of coping with the challenges of disease and life.

What we don’t think about as often is what happens after the abuse?  Can survivors go on to find healthy relationships?

As I don’t have personal experience with domestic violence, I wanted to talk to others who did.  Jackie is a woman I met on an MS forum and she is a survivor of domestic abuse.  Her abusive relationship happened prior to her development of MS.  Now, Jackie is in a loving relationship with her second husband of 26 years who has “never, ever laid a hand on me, ever.”

Jackie, can you tell us about your first husband?

I was a young bride married to a mad-man.  He had never hit me until our honeymoon in Bermuda.  We had dated and been engaged for two years and I never knew he had a penchant for physical violence.  He was nine years my senior and I thought he was the "perfect man" as did my parents.  College educated, handsome, rich etc.

How long were you married before your husband first hit you?

He struck me the second night we were married, the first night in Bermuda with no one to turn to and no place to go.  I had made the mistake of accepting an invitation of another honeymooning couple to join them the following evening for a dinner cruise without his permission.  He was sitting right there and when they invited us I said we'd love to attend.  He took it out on me back at our hotel.  I was shocked to say the least.  He stormed out and didn't return until the following morning.  I never told anyone because he was all apologies the following morning; I believed him when he said it would "never happen again."

What did you do when you returned from the honeymoon?

Well, I believed him back home in our new home when it continued to happen on average of once a month for no apparent reason.  Perhaps I was 10 minutes late arriving home from work so I MUST be cheating on him.  Maybe I asked him to dry the dishes or burned the pork chops.  It never took much.

This continued until one week before our first anniversary when we were driving to meet friends for dinner.  I said something (fairly benign) and he pulled off of the road into a deserted lot where he proclaimed he was going to "cut me up into little pieces and leave me in the dumpster."  I jumped out of the car and he followed.  He caught me, broke my arm and collar bone (by choking me on the hood of our car and very nearly killed me).  I kicked him in his crotch with my very high-heeled boots and managed to get into the driver's side door and locked it.  I drove as fast as I could to the local police station.  This was 1984 and well before cell phones.  They took me to the ER and headed back to find him walking calmly home.  He was arrested.  It was a nightmare for me.