Sexuality, Intimacy, and Multiple Sclerosis

It can help to start by putting pen to paper. What physical symptoms interfere with your intimate relations? Which of these symptoms is the greatest barrier? What feelings and associations do you have when you think about MS and your love life? Writing down your thoughts may help put the problems into language and start the difficult process of communicating. It may also help to clarify where the challenges lie, which is the first step toward a solution.

Share this important information with your partner. When MS problems are in the picture, avoiding talk can easily lead to avoiding sex and other intimate contact. For example, sensory changes may make things that used to bring pleasure feel painful or uncomfortable—whether it’s holding hands, getting a back rub, or having intercourse. Telling your partner what feels good and what doesn’t becomes crucial to intimate relations when MS changes the body and the mind. It’s equally important to find out what your partner wants, particularly if the intimate activities you’ve previously enjoyed together are no longer possible. Without this kind of communication, your reluctance to hold hands, enjoy a cuddle, or engage in sexual activities can easily be misunderstood by a partner as loss of affection or interest.

Confiding in your partner actually deepens intimacy and may go a long way toward resolving fears. Here’s another example: One common anxiety among people with MS is fear or shame about bladder or bowel accidents. Giving up sexual activity is not a solution to this. Talking over the problem with your partner can reduce the anxiety and discomfort for both of you, and talking it over with your health-care professionals will produce some solutions. Bladder and bowel problems can usually be managed through manipulation of medication and establishing regular eating and toileting schedules. With good communication, a little urine won’t destroy a rewarding sex life. Concealing the problem and the anxieties associated with it might.

The person with MS is not the only one who needs to talk about sexual feelings and anxieties. The well partner’s experience is also affected by the MS. Communicating these feelings can help well partners avoid guilt, grief, and resentment. Cognitive problems can undermine sexuality in subtle ways. People with MS who have developed difficulties with short-term memory or concentration may drift off during sexual activities in ways that can be disheartening to their partner. Indeed, the partner may be more aware of this MS symptom than the person with MS. It requires love and patience to bring these issues out in the open and to seek the needed treatment.


Source:
Intimacy and Sexuality in MS by Rosalind C. Kalb, Ph.D.  © 2008 National Multiple Sclerosis Society

Assessment and Treatment of Sexual Dysfunction in Multiple Sclerosis by Frederick W. Foley, PhD.  Clinical Bulletin / Information for Health Professionals.  © 2008 National Multiple Sclerosis Society [Original publication date: 2006]