Bruised and Confused

My ego is bruised and so is my tummy.

It's been a crazy few days in Casa de Fabrizio. It all began on Monday evening when I completed my daily injection routine. It was tummy night and apparently I must have injected too close to my belly button. The good news is that I now have verifiable proof that there really are muscles in my pooch of a tummy! The bad news is that hit one of the muscles and my entire belly has been blacker than the inside of a boot for three days. And I haven't been able to bend at the midsection, take a deep breath, laugh or twist without a not-so-gentle reminder of my mistake.

My tummy isn't the only thing that's black and blue; so is my ego. That's because until Tuesday, I was certain I had a handle on this thing they call: M.S. I thought I had defined my new normal (my Sunshine Days) and had an idea of what the true Moonlight would be. But, once again, I'm back in the land of unanswered questions. I take that back. The questions can be answered, but again only with the response of "I don't know."

One of the toughest parts of daily life with M.S. (as I've said ad nauseum) is the unknowns. As I peruse several on-line M.S. communities, there isn't a week that goes by where a patient doesn't ask "Is this M.S. or is it something else?" Or a variation: "How do I know if this is a flare up or just 'regular' symptoms"? Many other patients respond to the discussion threads, sharing their own experiences, then reminding the person who posed the question (a) that no two patients are the same and (b) to talk to their neurologist. Because I face these questions myself regularly, I've done some research. I certainly can't call the doc each time I have a pain, a dizzy spell, or a tingle in my arm. But at the same time, I can't drive myself nuts wondering if I'm in the middle of a relapse and should be seeking help. I've prepared a simple list of three ways I can try to determine what's going on in my life - to measure and track things and to hopefully get a handle on what are M.S. symptoms vs. a relapse or "flare". If you have M.S., perhaps these will be helpful to you, but I share these with the traditional caveat: No two patients are the same and be sure to share this with your neurologist (smile).

I'm starting with three words: New, Revisiting and Severity.

"New" is easy. If I wake up in the morning, or at some other point of the day, and out of nowhere I experience a brand new symptom (and it lasts for 48 straight hours), I'll be calling my neurologist. Frankly, there are only a couple of symptoms on the massive list of M.S. issues that I haven't yet experienced just once.

"Revisiting" is even easier. If I experience a symptom of M.S. and it goes away for an extended period of time and then unexpectedly returns, I'll be calling my neurologist. I've decided this will be the one instance where I don't wait the 48 hours. Here's an example: when I was diagnosed in the hospital, I was suffering from serious vision issues. It took almost 14 days, but my vision is decent now. I have new glasses, I'm not seeing double and I'm able to move my eyes at almost the same level than before my diagnosis. If I wake up one morning and the vision problem is back, I might even be waiting in the lobby of my neurologist's office when she arrives.