Robbing Peter to Pay Paul

We do it all the time, unless we're naturally wealthy. We rob Peter to pay Paul. We do it in order to pay our bills - choosing to the buy generic milk over the brand name that is pennies more. Those of us who live paycheck to paycheck may forego paying the cell phone bill in order to pay the electric bill that is twice as high this winter. Those who can't afford their medications may rob their own dinner plates to be able to purchase their life-saving prescriptions. Or they may do the opposite and skip the meds to feed the family.

I'm uncertain exactly where this phrase originates, although there is some evidence it may come from the 17th century when St. Paul's Cathedral in London used the estate of the Church of St. Peter to fund its own repairs. There are other biblical references between Peter and Paul that also have led people to utilize this particular phrase. It's used when referring to taking away from one person or entity in order to sustain another.

On Saturday afternoon, I called my husband at work and told him that he needed to take me somewhere, anywhere. I needed to leave the house, to breathe the eight degree air, to break the habit of going to work and coming home, going to work and coming home. I had to work last evening, so I thought it would be best to rest a lot this weekend. The extra hours of work, late into the evening were concerning to me. Being well enough to meet my promised obligations worried me more.

Despite those worries, I needed out. When evening arrived, he packed me in the car and took me for a ride to the ski resort where he works. We watched the crazy kids catching air on the slopes, enjoyed a light dinner, and I savored the most delicious hot chocolate with raspberry schnapps. We picked up my step-daughter (who also works at the resort) and on the way home listened to Frank Caliendo and his masterful impersonations. Kerri Elizabeth's teenaged laughter from the back seat was soothing to my soul. I was out of the house for less than three hours, but it felt like true salvation. I felt like a normal human being, although noticeably a little slower when walking, a little more somber when talking. But, it was close to the "old normal."

During our drive up and around the slopes, I told the hubby that I felt I was losing myself. Each day, little by little, I was changing. I didn't like what I saw in the mirror that morning - a tired, young woman, whose spark was quite dim. A young woman who was robbing Peter to pay Paul many different times a day. I told him that I feel different; that I'm not the bubbly and silly Kim any longer. This, of course, worried me deeply. I will not let M.S. take my spirit. I keep saying that sentence over and over again, but I realized this weekend that M.S. has changed me. So, like everything else, we talked it through.

Tom asked me if he is the same person today as he was yesterday - if he is the same person now as when we were first married. My answer was, "No." We are the sum of all of our experiences - joint and individually - and we grow and change because of those experiences. When I can apply that thought to him it is easy for me to see - personal change is normal, change is expected.