Am I the only one?

When I first learned I had MS, my thoughts went so many places it was almost like a kaleidoscope. What did this mean for my future? How can I handle my condition's development? Exactly what is MS anyway? What will my kids think? How will they feel? All I knew for sure was the kids were my priority, and I had to take care of them first.

I imagined a diagnosis of MS meant a guaranteed wheelchair. I already walked with a cane, and my two boys said that was "kinda cool." However, a wheelchair might seem kind of freaky to a teenager. Often freaky is just different, but I did not want them to think I was freaky or even different. I surely did not want them to ever be embarrassed to be seen with me. In reality only 40% use wheelchairs, and some use them only part time, but I did not know that then.

I worried about how to tell them. I remembered an earlier time when I needed surgery. I told them I would be in the hospital about a week. The younger one was little - he hadn't started kindergarten - so he did not understand how serious the surgery was. He asked, "Who will take care of us?" When I assured them they would be fine, that was all they needed to know. Now they were teenagers and not so easily appeased. I was afraid they would think my illness and disability would rub off on them. I was determined to be sure their lives were not interrupted by my new lifestyle as an MSer. I wanted them to feel as "normal" as any teenager could feel.

Years earlier, before they were teenagers, I had broken my foot and was walking with the help of crutches. My boys didn't think differently about me except I just happened to walk with crutches. They certainly noticed how difficult it was to get through heavy doors. They had fun playing with them, and then retrieving them when I couldn't walk to the other room where they left my crutches after playing with them. I hoped they could treat my MS the same way — as just another broken foot. But I was afraid they would put me in a whole new category. I hoped they understood that a wheelchair is simply an aid for a person who had an accident or has a disease.