Thanks for posing this question Vicki! Feedback can be a slippery slope. When asking for it, one has to consider what they are able to endure. Because when we throw it out there... there is no telling who will respond. Because every individual has their own situation, approach, life experience, attitude and issues- there may be not way to know what a wide request for open ended feedback will produce. You have to be prepared to receive any and all if you cast the feeback rope wide. Feedback can be extraordinarily helpful depending on your need and how thick you skin is. I always assess what I want to know in relation to the listener... and I preface my question accordingly. For instance, when I'm asking for my mom's response, (knowing that moms have a great need to solve our problems) I might say "Mom, I just need sympathy and support for what I'm about to tell you" and that works reeeally well. Sometime you have a friend you know will be supportive- so you may want to throw sensitive questions her/his way. And of course if you really want serious, unabashedly honest feedback- you probably know where to get that from to.
I'm big on telling people what I need, increasing the likelihood I'll get it. Of course if you are ready to hear everyone's opinions, suggestions and thoughts you can always post it on Facebook. If you are strong enough to recognize that people are all coming from a particular place.
That said, I'd rather not have feedback about my disorganization as I question when my "question of the week" is due. Though the information would be helpful.
Thanks for posting this Vicki- You always get me thinking.
~Amy
I run an MS support group and feel that the group does 2 things: it lets people with MS know that they are not alone and that others have dealt with these issues before, and it is an opportunity for us to exchange information and ideas about how to live better with MS. To me, that is what the feedback is all about. A virtual support group….. And like support groups some are better than others, some are more positive than others, and some are…. Well, you know.
The more people put into it, the more we are likely to get out of it…. Especially when we have such great writers like Vicki, Amy, Lisa and so many others.
That's my feedback and I plan to give more in the future.
Michael
Hey Miss Vicki
Are you doing okay? I was a little worried...hadn't seen you in awhile. Hope you are doing well.
Feedback...well you have to always consider the source. Sure there is a ton of "feeback" out there on the Internet and much of it is nonsense. People who don't even know you can "friend" you or mindlessly "like" you. Likewise there are trolls and haters on the Internet who get their kicks by making insulting comments. Then there are people who have absolutely no substance or talent who know how to manipulate social media to receive "feedback" to become popular. We live in a society which celebrates Kim Kardashian and Snooki for crying out loud. This kind of feedback is meaningless in my opinion.
But feedback from a mentor, a good friend, a family member, or someone you trust...is priceless and especially when that person cares about you. Sometimes feedback is difficult to hear. But when it is truly constructive it can ultimately help one to grow.
Great question. I am wondering what inspired it.
Good to see you again.
MM
MM,
As usual, you are right on the money. I, too, wondered why this question was asked - it's a great one- but my curiousity asked me to say that!
Also, I totally agree with MM on another point - if feedback is given by a dear friend or a mentor, it means the world to me. If, however, websites or people you "connect" with either through FB or LI want feedback, I have to ask myself why do they need my feedback, particularly if I do not know them very well? Is it a marketing ploy? Another reason to get myself on yet another list? I, like others, have become wiser and, yes, more cynical, in our technologically fast-paced world. So giving feedback is not one of my things. Receiving it from those I admire - that's give me a warm and fuzzy feeling (if positive) or something to think about if it's constructive and useful.
Great Question of the Week.
I suggested the question about feedback to Vicki and gave her a hand with writing the question. A number of things prompted me to pick feedback as the subject:
1. The Question of the Week column is inherently dependent upon feedback. I was interested in how others view feedback and if the feedback system is easy-to-use and problem-free.
2. I had recently read about a seminar entitled, "The lecturer's perspective: an analysis of the feedback practices of academic staff." It is to be given next month by Stella Ekebuisi of the Learning Institute at Queen Mary University of London. A key finding for discussion in the seminar is that an individual's understanding of the purpose of feedback has a strong influence on their practice.
3. Doctors can get terrible reviews on the Internet, and I go to one or two of them. I think they are pretty good, and it not very nice that they can get slammed so easily.
4. Years ago I worked for a company. They had a policy to respond within 30 days to any suggestion submitted by an employee. Their response would include an evaluation and action plan. I was always impressed with how they respected feedback and took it seriously.
I had said earlier that negative feedback can be a learning opportunity. I learned from some of the examples in the above comments that feedback can sometimes be a serious concern, especially when it affects those most vulnerable. Vicki and I are grateful for the feedback.
When I began to look at colleges for my son, my husband looked at one or two student websites for alumni (or current students) for a certain college. The feedback given by those students was usually negative. Along those lines, I used to look up feedback for doctors on websites that were recommended by a few people. Those were not all negative, but I would say there were more negative reviews than positive. That said, I thought to myself why would anyone who is totally happy with a college or a doctor take the time to post feedback? So, we stopped looking at the college websites for students. (I admit I still look at the websites for physicians because I can also find out what medical school they attended, how long they've been in practice, what insurance companies they accept, etc.)
As far as HC, I am glad to get any and all feedback on anything I've written. I love the positive feedback, learn from any feedback that offers constructive criticism, or useful information I am not aware of. Life is one big learning process - and that process will not be over until they day we die. Until then, I think open communication between people with MS and their caregivers is a wonderful thing since we are all in this together.
I'd still like to know - how is Vicki?
Thanks for your Q of A and your feedback!
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I agree that feedback is a valuable tool, whether it is from a peer or an expert.
Of course one has to be asking for feedback, as unsolicited feedback appears and may in fact be, criticism.
I have seen some comments posted here that I felt were judgemental, not helpful. These are the ones that tell people with MS to alywas be "upbeat" and to exercise, and if they only put their faith in God, MS would go away. Not everyone can be "upbeat" all the time, although a good attitude is imporrtant. Certainly not everyone can exercise either. MS limits that for many people with MS in the more advanced stages, but yes anything you can do to keep what mobility you have is good. Religion--faith is a powerful tool, but telling people with MS that faith will make everything OK and implying that if you don't have faith, then it's all your own fault for having MS, is not helpful at all.
Finally, so here's some feedback on this website. I have a problem following the topic threads, as the email notifications come in saying "A new answer has been posted to the question you're watching". You go to the website and it does not take you to the new answer, just drops you at the top amidst dozens of answers, and it is very hard to find the "new" answer. Instead we see questions and answers from as far back as 1969 and have to wade through so many answers, responses to answers, and responses to those answers to those responses and so on. It's impossible to find the last and latest thread, comments, etc.
I find this discouraging to keep up a dialog with people who are posting comments, feedback or answering a question. It is just too hard to find my way.
Hi Ann,
Great response (feedback)! I couldn't agree more with your description of the pittfalls of feedback. Asking the question really puts you out on the line - especially considering the wide array of people who are responding. And MS is a particularly complicated subject to discuss. As you point out... everyone's MS allows for different options, and different things work for different people. Sometimes people lose sight of that. Often when you are throwing it out there... you are in a vulnerable place and that often isn't considered in the responses- cos you just never know what kinda day your responder is having.
On the Health Central feedback- there is a department to handle just that. And I know many people have that experience. It would be nice if these things are organized. One thing (and this may be a completely different issue from what you're talkng about) is that people hit reply to a comment and intend to start a new response to the question itself. I think it's a flaw in the site's make up. You read, you see the button, you hit reply. It often confuses things. I'm not sure if that's part of your concern... but I do know that we should both report this feedback to the people who can change it. That would be an example of the positive results in feedback.
Thanks for the comment, it to got me thinking. (final feedback!)