So, I have had four party invitations sent to me in the past few weeks all with a start time of 8 p.m. or later. As we head into this season of parties, I imagine we'll all see more like these. The truth is that because my MS is so unpredictable with fatigue levels, I can only 'tentatively' commit to such activities. I always feel bad for not being able to be more committed to things and I'm not always truthful about why I may or may not attend. While I may be physically awake after that time, my cognitive skills often take a big hit and I'm just not able to socialize in a way that makes me comfortable. As my family knows, I just 'hit the wall'.

The truth about my journey with MS is that I just don't know where my body will be on any given day/night so things like parties, community walks (I just canceled out of one), late night events or events where I'll be standing a lot have to take on the 'tentative' nature. The truth is that if I have a relaxing day with naps and no stress factors, I may be able to go out later into the night. Then again, sometimes no amount of rest can keep the symptoms from coming. I recently spontaneously went to a movie at 9 p.m. on a Saturday night and I felt great so this is not out of the realm of possibilities, but it is unpredictable. However, it all depends on this little monster that resides in my not so hidden MS closet.  Sometimes it stays hidden and I can put on that party hat, but sometimes that monster likes to barge out and be heard. 

I am blessed to have so many wonderful friends who want to invite me to parties and I hope you continue to do so. This is not an excuse to stop inviting me to parties, but this is just a head's up that it isn't personal if I don't show up (which happens more often than I care to admit).

Also, I realize that many will read this and may jokingly explain that they have this issue too and it's called old age or being over worked, etc... (sometimes this is said because it's true and sometimes it's a nervous humor to try and make me and others feel better). Those of us with these disorders also have age and work to contend with in addition to a nerve damaging illness.  I understand that there are similarities to age and over working but I am hoping that ya'll will take a moment to understand M.S. and any other disability that impacts someone's cognitive function, fatigue and ability to be 'on'.  I don't need anyone to try and make it better because it is what it is. I'm being real in this moment and ask for the same in return.  And if you are someone in this same situation, feel free to copy my example here for your own use. I first posted this on FB as a note so I can return to it when needed. Perhaps even as a reminder to myself to listen to my body. 

Continuing to remember to just breathe.