Feeling a little blue today

Hello friends. 

I wrote another poem.  I like to express myself with poetry.  I have noticed that a lot of sharepost on this site are helpful tips, positive encouragement, and information.  I, on the other hand,  sound pretty depressing.  It has been about 8-9 months since I was diagnosed so I am still coping with the idea of having this condition and how to deal with it.  I'm not sure what it means to me and now with no insurance I can't really afford to visit a nuerologist.  I'm kinda of scared.  I don't want to be disabled and become a burden to others.  My family really doesn't acknowledge my condition.  When I'm tired my mother will say, I'm tired too, she doesn't realize it's not the same.  I feel my husband was a little upset last night because I didn't spend time with him because I was so drained.  He wouldn't admit it but I could tell by the vibe I was getting from him.  It made me feel bad, he just doesn't understand. This is my poem:

I've been betrayed by my body.

By rogue white blood cells.

My immune system is...

 attacking it's own self.

Myelin sheaths are frayed.

In my brain there are scars.

My nerve endings are feeling tingly.

And I am very tired.

Some days I feel sick.

Some days I feel well.

Some days it's just...

very hard to tell.

It's not a virus or a foriegn substance.

That is putting my body on the defense.

I can't understand it

It doesn't make any sense.

It's a suicide that I haven't consented to.

It's an act of treason

that is making me feel blue.

But it is what it is,

nothing more, nothing less.

What I am fighting

Is called M.S.

4/30/08