For over 2 years I was a caregiver for my mother-in-law who suffered from Alzheimer's.  I watched her go from needing an eye kept on her to helping her bathe, toilet and telling her every night where she slept.  My husband and his siblings just recently put her in a private home-they felt with my MS and caring for the children-it was becoming too much (even though I didn't believe so and wanted her to stay).  

Being a caregiver for a loved one or anyone can be overwhelming under the best of conditions; but if you have any health issues yourself-it only adds to that stress-all of which are normal for you to experience.

Now, add to that the fact that you are caring for your ex-husband and I really am amazed that you are still functioning.   (Little humor)

Dealing with his issue first-a stroke causes problems with emotional lability just like Alzheimer's, MS or any other neurological condition can do.  I know from experience of dealing with my MS and my mother-in-law's Alzheimer's that anger is normal under the circumstances-it is a response to fear and anxiety; although not everyone who suffers from these things develops anger issues from them-they are very common.  The real issue here is finding out what he is capable of understanding, rationalizing and whether or not he understands his need for help (counseling) to help him with coping skills.

One of the first things my doctor did when they got to the point of calling my condition MS was to send me to a Stress Management Therapist.  I laughed-I was insulted-I was in perfect denial.  This type of management therapist helps you to deal with new diagnosis, condtions, ect and how to accept your limitations-especially for those of us who were in high power jobs or extremely independent.  Once I got past my own predjudices of seeing someone-I found out that it really helped.  It didn't get rid of my MS; but it changed my mountain into a ball of cotton.  It also helped me in dealing with my mother-in-law and taught me patience.

If he doesn't have the capacity to understand this; he might be in need of more help than you can give him.  

Regarding you; why do you think you are anxious-write down things that are stressing you out on a list of "can control" "can't control".  When you are done-decide what things you are willing to let go of and which ones you can't.

Example:  I would put MY MS in the "can't control" category; but it is something that I am willing to let go of-in the form of worrying about it.

I can control cooking for myself. Doing laundry every day, vaccuuming every day...those kinds of things.  I used to clean everything every day; on top of working a fulltime job and having 5 of my 6 children at home.  I was overwhelmed; but I wouldn't stop...I was on some kind of autopilot and kept going until the MS stopped me in my tracks...(there are times that I LOVE MS!)  It put things back into perspective for me.  

Do what you can and don't sweat the small stuff.

Anxiety = overwhelmed

Lastly, I do not know what your relationship is with your exhusband; I think that you are showing a lot of compassion and care in taking him in although you are no longer married.  At the same time-if he is abusive-hurting you or threatening you-that is NEVER ok; stroke or not-you have to think of your own safety first. You have a duty to take care of yourself; that is not selfish.  My therapist told me once (when I was still doing 'everything') that I was a pilot and my children looked to me to keep the plane up.  If I didn't take care of myself-I was risking their safety; not just my own.  Plane reference-put our own air mask on first; you can't help anyone when you pass out from no oxygen.

I really hope this helps you.  I know how hard it is when you can't find answers and it feels like no one cares.  

God bless!

Holly