While at work, someone commented on how different I seem this week. How happy and bubbly. There's a swing in my step. I definitely seem more approachable. I started to wonder how that could be. Along with my relapsing/remitting MS, do I also have relapsing/remitting personality? Why do I suddenly experience personality surges? Then it hit me. They are not observing something new in me, but something missing in me. Fatigue.
MS fatigue is a difficult symptom to comprehend. Even those of us who experience this phenomenon on a regular basis are hard pressed to put it into words which adequately describe its power.
First, clear your mind of all preconceived ideas regarding fatigue. You know that mid-afternoon slump you feel at work? It's not that. Nor is it the way you feel on Monday morning. Sleepy? No. Lazy? No. Think a nap will help? Yes, but not much and not for long. Coffee? Wouldn't make a dent. Forget all that and let's start from square one.
This fatigue of which I speak is an unrelenting force which will not be ignored. MS fatigue will bring all manner of minutia to your attention. Such as how much effort it takes to pick up the remote control and channel surf. To get up to get a drink. To pick up the phone and call a friend. Or to smile and laugh.
Office banter, chit chat, a lame joke ... all take effort. Much more than most of us realize. Those are the little niceties which are often missing in my personality. I show up at work, nose to the grindstone, so to speak. Sit down and get to work. Every ounce of energy must be focused on my duties because I truly have none to spare.
It is much the same at home. My husband, Jake, will often ask me what's wrong when there is, in fact, nothing wrong. My lack of facial expression translates to sadness, though I haven't a sad thought in my head. It is my old nemesis, fatigue. Drat! Foiled again!
From the 1959 classic by Lloyd Price, “Personality”
'Cause you've got - (personality)
Walk - (personality) talk - (personality)
Smile - (personality) charm - (personality)
This definitely sounds like someone who is not dealing with MS fatigue!
Fortunately for me, it appears that I have once again located my personality. It was hiding there all along, right behind that MS fatigue! Good to have you back. Come on in and stay awhile!