You Look Good, But I Know Better!

Hi there Mandy.  Thanks for such an honest post.  I can tel you that even though I do not have MS, I have put that smmile that hides it all on for many different occasions.  But luckily I too have a couple of good friends who can see right through it and help get to the heart of things when needed.  I'm glad you had someone like that too.

For those reading this who are not as familiar with the symptoms of MS, you may want to read our MS Symptoms section or maybe those who have just learned they have this disease our Just Diagnosed material.

Hope this helps and all the best, sue

PS - You may be interested in reading from Mandy's other half, her husband Jake writes for us too - from the perspective of a caregiver.

You are right, Mandy, it is nice when someone who has a similar illness gets it.  They have earned the right to tell you how good you look because they know that underneath your smile and celebration of a good night on your feet, is your anxiety that at any minute you could stumble, drop your glass, start having bad pain or tingles in your leg or arm. or any number of other problems, depending on where your lesions are.  And if not that night, maybe the next day or the day after.  "Looking Good" is a temporary state of affairs for us, nothing we can ever take for granted or  accept without wondering what the other person really means.

 I went to a party a 60th birthday party for my brother-in-law on Saturday evening, at which there were about 100 family and friends.  I went in on my crutches but had the wheelchair in the trunk in case I needed it.  It was a lovely, fun, casual party with people standing all over the place, although there were tables and chairs set up.  Many of the guests hadn't seen each other in a while so until the food was served it was a stand around the dance floor and talk to people as they came in.  I stood for as long as I could and then asked my son-in-law to please get my  chair, something I have never done at a family party before. You should have seen me dancing in my chair and on my crutches, it was great fun!  Of course I could do more in my chair, I wasn't so afraid of falling.

 I recently came to the conclusion that I had to accept my reality before I could ask anyone else to.  Those that had already said I looked good and those who usually said it and hadn't gotten to it yet all came over to me to make sure I knew they thought I was looking good that night, in spite of the fact that I was in this chair. And none of these people had any idea of what I was going through.

 The bottom line is not the words, You Look So Good  but who says the words and how they are said.  Thanks so much for giving us this to think about.  I hope you continue to get these periods of respite, but since you can never count on them, then cherish them for all they are worth while you can, and do something wonderful for yourself every time you have one, regardless of small a treat it is, you deserve it.

Denise