Chronic Illness as a Mirror

so how I feel that no two people can truely identify with someone elses pain .I tend to feel all you can do as friend share carrying of the load...........

Listen try help if only with simple ,I care  what you having to deal with or go through. I also think sometimes we don't need to say any thing ok say sometimes do wish had something meaningful say to help you all I can do is be here for you.  well written article

I am one of those people who never know exactly what to say and how to act on hearing of another's bad news.  Its even worse when I have to share my own bad news with others.  I tend to just get it said and recommend we all go out for pizza or something... anything to change the subject.  I suppose that in itself is telling, rather like your mirror. It is very hard to air out emotion.  It may be why people (like me) often say the dumbest things at these times.  Its good to stop and think about that, and your post causes me to do so.  Perhaps next time ( there is always a next time),  I will do a bit better at thinking.  Most people do not want pizza when they are down anyway.

I specifically try not to tell someone I care for about anyone else's problems at the moment they are sharing potentially devastating news with me. Or about my problems either. Kind of irrelevant, usually.

At that moment the focus is on them. They didn't trust me with their vulnerability so that I would point to another perhaps worse off, or say, gee, that's to bad, how about those Steelers? It's time to be the friend they think I am and care, and give at least an ear, if not more practical help.

Not that I haven't said dumb things... or done them. 

:)

Allow me to quote Mother Teresa, who spent her life serving those who were ill and near death: "Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless."  A kind word affects us greatly. And I never turn down pizza. PS--Me, I want my prize.