Good for you. I'm glad the subject is being brought out.
I think it is too long in the shadows, another touchy, easily misunderstood part of MS, but as you describe much of it, often in life, with or without disability.
At least something to think about, if I had MS, I'd volunteer for the male viewpoint. I don't presume to know, I only think about what you write and try to retain it. The fatigue alone, I have glimpses of how mightily over-powering it can be.
What I see here, is communicating and understanding, inventive and respectful, viewing each other as a human, at times under siege by some things external. It is then, I think, a stronger force, if it is present, takes all of this into account. I'm glad you had the courage to write this.
Thank you so much. I was a little worried to write such an article. When I first wrote about this on my personal site, people ran for the hills! Yet sexuality and intimacy is such a vital part of life. Just because you have MS doesn't mean this part of life has to be over. I wanted to give a bit of hope if I could to people.
First off, I want to say I do not have MS, but do suffer from chronic depression. I think all of the suggestions and points you make apply to nearly everyone. Unfortunately such sage advice is often unavailable, hidden, or kept away from some people that would benefit from it due to its nature and many societies' attitudes toward sex and sex education.
OK, I think I'm composed enough to continue, but as a male with MS, who understands the issues of being intimate with this decease, it made me laugh seeing the phrase "a magic wand to make things all better!" Just so happens, that is what I wish I had, a magic wand! Therein lies the problem. Intimacy is very important, just hold hands fills a need, but there needs to be more.
I was reading in a blog the other day about the people that didn't know us before we had MS, and it is very true. People look at me and don't see the captain of the football team, or the guy that could hit a softball a country mile, but that's OK. The person that matters the most to me did, and she still sees that guy. That person also saw the guy that was always ready for a sexual romp, any place, any time. In this case, that makes it harder emotionally, you see that means she was ready too.
That's probably the hardest part, having to think about how to make things work. They have pills to help the equipment work, but none to give feeling to the region in question. On the rare occasion that all goes as planned, and the act is finished to completion, there is a 50/50 chance it will be painful. There is a 100% chance that I am exhausted, in pain, and will have a day of spasms all over my body. Sign me up!
Sex has become so much more then a simple orgasm, it's almost like a quest. MS has made me a much more attentive partner, the foreplay, and the parts I am still able to perform with ease, have gotten more practice for her sake. Intercourse is still a part, but it's not the whole. Being open to things for the sake of your partner is very important, and this does not take away from your manhood. Like so many things with MS, we adjust and move on to the next thing.
Drew...
Your comment here...this is why I write. I don't want to just hear myself talking...I want other people to join in and share their experience too. I am so grateful that you have come by to share your story here. I was hoping for a male perspective on this and I applaud your courage to be so honest.
You will absolutely help others who are going through the same thing.
One thing I had not known is that sex can be painful for a man who has MS. I wonder if there are ways to minimize the pain part of things.
I am glad that we have opened up this dialogue here and I am hoping that others will also share their experiences.
Thank you so very much for your comment. I would be most honored if you would continue to read my articles and to provide your input.
Drew,
I read the same blog post regarding others not knowing the pre-MS us. So very true.
In September, I attended an MS seminar at which one session was focused on sex. Something mentioned regarding fatigue for males was a suggestion to have the female in top, doing the hard work. Have you found this to help?
Also, I wonder if those of us who experience spasticity would benefit from a slightly increased dose of Baclofen (or something similar) so that afterwards the muscles are more relaxed. I've not thought of this before now and think that it just might help. Any thoughts?
Lisa
The whole key to this, for me at least, is to make sure I feel like I am an active participant. The touching, the caressing, the tenderness, all of those parts are easy. Even when I can't manipulate a pen, or button the shirt I'm wearing, I can manage a soft caress with that hand on her check to tell her I love her. As for your question about the changing of positions, there is still a modicum of physical exertion needed, regardless of the position. It is sometimes easier, especially emotionally, to substitute intercourse with other acts for your partners satisfaction.
To get right to the point, erections become increasingly more difficult, not to obtain, but to sustain. How many of us experience the problem of repetitive actions, or movement? If I hold something, a pen for instance, for a while, I loose the sensation of having it in my hand. The same goes for erections. It's not a problem with the initial arousal, but it is when the sensation should take over, and that sensation is absent.
As for the second part, I think the spastisity in my legs may be the only thing keeping them working. I do believe the key to all things MS related is to find what works for you, and run with it! Life and love will find a way, it's just figuring it out, and making it work for you and your partner.
Wonderful suggestions. I've got another one which is roughly related to the recommendation of increased touching.
I've found that gentle rubbing of the legs helps some...and that assisted stretches (like a PT might do) really help a lot. There's something about stretching those spastic muscles that wakes up the lower body and makes the entire experience more pleasurable.
Another obstacle to a responsive body might be medication side-effects. Too many drugs lessen the libido and dampen the responses. If someone is having excessive difficulty in this area, they might want to consider adjusting drug usage.
Thanks for the article.
My ex wife suffered seriously from periodic sexual dysfunction due to her MS. She suffered from numbing of the genitals at such times which meant her pleasure quotient was low. This was very difficult for me since I found her so immensely attractive and enticing I desired sex with her almost constantly. It was difficult for me knowing that even if she accommodated, she wasn't getting much delight from it. Good post, dear friend, and one that I am sure many can relate to.
With my MS my husband seems to think that men only have the desire for love making. Well,gents YOUR WRONG! I am 51 and my husband is 56. I need the closeness and loving just as much if not more. Women need more reassurance. Sometimes! Oh, and when you (a woman) go to the doctor for help for your libeto problems,they laugh,talk about "toys". Not one drug on the market for women. NOT ONE. WHY,are men more important? Well, I'll tell you if you want your MS lady able, talk to your Doctors and get them to do more resarch for sexual help for us. Because, men face it, when we are willing the man will get happy. 
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I am only a caregiver, and a man, so I have no intelligent comments here I can think to say, except that I am glad you wrote this post. Its an important subject for most all of us. Closeness is important to everyone, including sexual closeness, and it is important to anyone to feel they can still have and give this closeness.
Yeah it is very important and is also a topic not many people wish to tackle. I thought by putting it out here that it would get people to talk about intimacy issues more openly. Thank you so much for your comment.