"Playing the MS Card"

Whoa, you're dating yourself now, young woman.  "Presidentials?"  LOL.  Well, yeah, I remember, but I got the looks to prove it.

Yeah, MS card works nicely in many cases.  Does not work, unfortunately, with my wife. It's like, You don't have to remind me how worthless you are, I already know.

I have used it, however, to get out of meetings I did not care to attend, getting off work an hour early so I could go to a party instead, and such like. 

MS gives one much to be thankful for, don't it?

Maybe playing the MS card isn't so bad on occasion, as long as we don't use it as a mental crutch all the time. After all sometimes when the card is there and it can save face then could it really hurt!

I say if it works, hey!  But with anything in life, you must have some scruples.  People have a tendency to use whatever works, guilty as charged!  So far I do absolutely no housework anymore, boy you do not know how nice that is.  My husband always said strongly, that he would never wash dishes but guess what; they do not make paper pots!  Life's tables have surely turned on my husband.  Due to the fatigue thing, it is hard for me to clean this monstrosity of a house that we live in now.  So my husband has to do all of the cleaning and washing and stuff like that, wow that sounds nice!  When he washes those many loads of clothes that I use to have to wash, fold them and then put them away, my heart just does flips in my chest, and my soul wonders how I got over!  It is amazing just how much MS lets me get by with!  Hey you know what MS sometimes can really suck, but right now just sitting here thinking about it you know what.....

MS Rocks!    Sherry/Smomdukes

From one wimp to another -- sometimes that card just shows up.  I responded to a friend's event invitation by saying "I don't feel like it."  She immediately said "Oooh, I understand" which clearly meant "you poor little infim thing."  I knew then there's power in this MS card.

Background.  I always said I didn't feel like it it it was something that didn't interest me.  Suddenly though, there was a new connotation to that small phrase.  I don't remember using it intentionally except fot one time --

There was water pipe flooding on my street.  I called the water department to get it repaired, then called in the afternoon to see if it was completed.  They told me yes, and instructed me to take the manhole cover off and turn the water back on for my house.  EXCUSE ME?  Single mother here, rushing from work to get boys to their basketball game -- I don't think so.  I told them I had a disability that made it difficult  lifting water covers and turning the spigots.

They heard me say "poor little infirm me," but I was really saying "finish your job."  Of course the "please" was implied.

my long story from poor little wimpy me

Your story is great, and beautifully written, too.

I did recently use the "MS card" at the local RecCenter.  I asked if it were possible to place a folding chair near the treadmills to have available.  Part of my spiel went - I have MS and my legs get really weak, really fast, and I need to sit down immediately.  The manager had absolutely no problem with it and placed a chair which would be there always.  Very nice accommodations.

As far as events go, I've never said, "I have MS.  I can't participate."  But perhaps, I've bowed out and said that I didn't feel well, or didn't feel up to it, or was busy.  That may or may not have been due to MS.  It could have been RA, fatigue, lack of interest, depression, or desire to do something else.

MS should not be used as an excuse to avoid things, but it might provide an explanation for why or how our choices are shaped.

Recently played the card at work, the job that I was transfered into did not alow me to get the time during the day to do some winding down. Just can't move as fast as I used to, forgeting items that were second nature.

Gowing up couldn't run as fast a the others, hitting the baseball was a challange just could not see it, as hard as I tried I missed.  Back to work I was fortunate that I was alone most of the time, on the road and a very good job, was able to do things my way with the good hand both hands worked one was better no one was watching.

MRI indicates memory is become a problem I just keep trying, all I can do.

Thanks for listening.

Great discussion going on here. I can honestly say that my dx gave ME legitimacy for slowing down and finally retiring from teaching in school 7 years ago. Being the overachieving teacher that I had always been, I was the one who needed a REAL - lol -  reason to slow down. JUST not feeling right, being exhausted all the time, suffering constant pain, having anxiety attacks on my way into school every morning weren't enough to keep me down.

I needed a REAL name for it all. When I had that and I honestly didn't know what the next day would bring, I spoke to my principal. The first thing I took on myself and explained to him that I would need changed was to demand that my classes meet on the ground floor of the building. I just couldn't walk up to the third floor any more. That might have been the first time I pulled out the MS card.

I don't know if I've ever used it again. Saying I'm not up to something or I don't feel well is understood by people who know me and not questioned. As far as at home, I REALLY CAN'T do much housework. I do what I think I can and usually my DH tells me to leave whatever it is alone because he knows how I'll feel afterwards even if I don't want to admit it to myself (pride, I guess). Over the years he has taken a lot of the house things on himself. After a while he even agreed to me getting someone in to do the house cleaning once in 2 weeks .

I honestly don't think that most of us use the CARD as an excuse. It has all of the reality to back it up to make it a legitimate reason for whatever.

Bottom line: do what you have to to feel as good as you can .

Sherry, how did you write in blue? I don't find a place here to change color.

Talk to ya'll soon.

Hugs, Maris

I make deliberate choices now about what I'm willing to expend my energy on. For instance, if I run errands with my husband in the morning, I won't have energy to garden in the afternoon. I love gardening so I take a pass on the boring errands. This type of choice happens on a daily basis and I do balance how much is for me and how much is for others. I don't think I use the 'MS card' which implies that I am lying about my abilities... I think in contrast that I am more the opposite, trying to hide it when perhaps I should just come out with it.

Thanks for sparking a very lively and interesting conversation.  I would like to differentiate between saying you can't do something or canceling plans because your MS won't let you and "using the MS Card," which I take to mean saying you can't do something because of your MS, when your MS isn't the reason.  I want to go on record as saying I have done both, although I am not too proud of the latter and have only "used" it once or twice.  I would put not doing something because you don't want to wear yourself down, even if you could technically do it at the time, into the first category. The no-guilt category.

I think it is important to distinguish between these two categories because there are some people who will always think you are "using the MS card" simply because they cannot understand what you are experiencing.  

"What does she mean she's too exhausted to go somewhere, she just sat around all day today.  She should have plenty of energy."  OR "Rest up today so you'll definitely be able to go to the party tomorrow." 

Have you ever heard either of these comments?  Or something like them?  It's difficult to explain how you feel to someone who has never experienced the same sensations or energy drain.  I find some of my symptoms difficult to understand, and I am experiencing them, so I can't expect others to get it all the time.

Now that I think it through, maybe I haven't "used the MS card."  I know I have asked for help or canceled plans a few times when I just didn't feel that I was up to it, but I couldn't say specifically what was keeping me from doing it.  Perhaps it was my inner voice telling me that it is okay to accept that I just don't have the same level of energy or stamina that my healthier friends and family members do, or that the level of energy it takes me to do even the simplest things is so much greater than someone else and perhaps I just didn't want to expend any.

Is that "using my card?"  I don't think so but I don't think I care if it is. I'm into "no guilt." Let's all just do what we can and hope our loved ones understand when we can't.

Thanks again for giving us such interesting topics to think about and discuss. I enjoyed everyone's comments on this subject.

Terrific conversation - I'm joining in with my 2 cent's worth.

"Playing the card" need not be confused with "taking care of oneself." I'm not playing the card when it's 80 degrees or more outside and though I want to take our dog on a "scooter ride," I'd be "toast" the rest of the day and night if I did. When invited to an outdoor BBQ and find there isn't any shade, I go inside to the A/C - I'm not "playing the card," I'm taking care of myself. When I attended a luncheon at a friend's house last week, I thought about calling ahead to see if her A/C was on... as I parked I saw her windows open and froze in my tracks thinking, "Dare I even go in? Or shoud I just call her and say I'm not coming?" Turned out the table had a huge ceiling fan diretly overhead, and it was on HIGH so I was all set.

I have found that when a dinner conversation gets boring (usually when they're talking about sports or people I don't know) I sometimes excuse myself to the powderroom just to give myself a break and get some fresh air - and everyone knows that it takes me 10-12 minutes. Did I really need to go at that moment? Well, no, not really. But it allowed me to take a breather and save my energy for the good part of the conversation and not waste my energy on the boring part. Opportunistic? Perhaps. To  teach them a lesson (finally) not to exclude me from the conversation (knowing I don't care about sports or their high school friends from 1958)? Maybe a little bit. I'm still taking care of myself.

Bottom line? I'm the one with this crappy disease. I'm the one that some days it's all I can do to get my butt outta bed. This is no picnic for me so cut me some slack, eh?

I still haven't gotten a diagnosis for what ever is ailling me although "signs point to yes" with MS.  I to have no desire to use a medical issue as an excuse, but I would sure like to have it as an explanation.  For example, I have a pretty physical job.  I mean it's written in the duties.  When productivity falls off because I'm slow, or in pain, or can't balance on a ladder like cat on roof top anymore, I know it's noticed.  There would be something freeing about be able to say "hey,.....this is why", I'm not a slacker, or a wuss, I just physically CAN'T do what I used to.  I have no problem with telling people NO in my personal life; "hey you want to go mountain biking?".....um......NO.  But I've never been ASKED; "do you want to work?", no, it's just something we all have to do.  I just hope someday soon I'll have that "black and white" proof, not an excuse, just a real reason.  I'd rather not have a condition, not have the pain, and lack of coordination, and the aray of other symptoms, though seeing those haven't gone away I'd at least like that.