My MS is Making me Fat!

Okay so this is not entirely true.  Multiple Sclerosis in and of itself cannot make you fat.  But it does sound plausible doesn't it?  There are a lot of factors involved in gaining weight and I dare say that having this disease can contribute to those factors.  This has been my personal experience anyway.

This is not the first time I have gained weight due to a diagnosis.  When my son was diagnosed with autism some years ago, I reacted by gaining over thirty pounds.  The thing was, I was not even conscious of it happening.  I was so immersed in helping my son that I totally lost awareness of myself.  Over the months and years of caretaking I did not place any priority upon my own health or personal well being.  I felt I didn't have time to eat healthy and relied more upon calorie laden convenience foods.  I no longer shopped for clothes and when I did, I chose loose garments or pants with elastic waists.  I cut my own hair with sometimes disastrous results.  I no longer looked into the mirror.  I simply didn't care what I looked like or how I felt.  I had one mission in life and that was to help my kids. 

It was seeing a video tape of me doing play therapy with my son which finally got me to see how much I had let myself go.  I was doing a method called "floortime" where you basically get on the floor and interact with your child to elicit communication and connection.  My son's therapist wanted to video our sessions so she could coach me.  And there I was on camera with a great shot of my big fat butt.  It pretty much dominated the entire television screen.  It was then that the bells went off that perhaps I should get off my butt and do something to lose the weight.

And I did.  In about a year's time I lost all the weight though exercise and diet.  I began to care more about myself physically and emotionally.  I feel that part of the reason I gained the weight then was that I was suffering from depression but I could not admit this to myself.  When I finally dealt with the underlying emotions of sadness and despair, then the real transformation took place.  I felt proud of myself that I could change.

But you know how life is.  You are still dealing with one thing and something else comes along to rock your world.  As the late Rosanna Danna might say, "If it is not one thing it is another."    The other thing to happen to me was called Multiple Sclerosis. 

I was diagnosed in the fall of 2007 and it didn't take long before I was gaining weight.  It seemed that in no time at all I was twenty pounds heavier.  But this time I was more conscious of the process as it happened. 

It wasn't too soon after my diagnosis of MS when I had days that I could not exercise.  Previously I was working out 5-6 days a week.  But then muscle spasms, feeling off balance, and fatigue hit me.  I was angry that my body seemed to betray me and especially after I had worked so hard to get healthy.  One day as I was attempting to work out at home my right leg became stiff as a board and pain shot up through my calf muscle.  I fell to the floor cursing and then crying.  It was one of the first times I felt like I was truly in a battle with my MS.  I would like to say I won that round but I didn't.