Merely Me's MS Central Question of the Week!

Oh Merely Me, I feel your pain!  My experience was at CVS pharmacy where you can only get the special price on an item with their "saver" card.  The store was hot, I was exhausted, and my vision was getting wonky. I pushed my cart up to the check out.  I put my purchase on the counter with the saver card on top.  The line behind me was about six deep.  The clerk rang up the purchase, and it didn't include the sale price.  I asked her if she had scanned the saver card.  She told me she didn't have it.  Of course I figured I must have been mistaken so I start rummaging through my purse getting nervous and sweaty and almost in tears.  I told her I was sure I had given it to her. She started getting an attitude with me, and asked if I wanted a new saver card.  At this point the lady behind me was getting frustrated with me too.     As it turned out the clerk DID have my saver's card; she had misplaced it while ringing up the item.  She didn't apologize to me, and had I been feeling better I would have talked with the store manager, but at this point I was so frazzled I just wanted to leave the store.  My husband had parked in the handicapped spot and could see me leaving the store and I could see him through the windows. As I pushed my cart to the exit, I hooked my foot under the doormat -- he could see me sinking as my foot was planted and the cart kept going.  It would have been funny as his eyes grew huge when he saw me going down, but I couldn't quite see the humor in it right then. Luckily, I pulled myself back upright.  I felt so humilitated with the whole experience, I felt as if everyone who saw me for those few minutes thought I might have been drunk!    Another time my sweet, gorgeous 20 year old daughter was pushing me in my transport chair through the "gates of hell" which are the two sets of double doors at Old Navy.  We got through the first set and struggled through the second, only to encounter a teenage girl and guy laughing at us.  My lovely girl walked up to the guy and said "you know, you could have offered to help us.  Most guys I know would have run up to help us.  I hope YOU (she said to the girl) never wind up in a wheelchair, because HE (pointing to the guy) isn't very nice".  It is frustrating and a bit depressing to shop and run errands now.  I used to flit from store to store, to the bank, dry cleaners, library, etc. all in one day.  Now I have to be conscious of each thing I do -- It takes being mindful because my mind sometimes plays tricks on me now -- not to mention I mix up words or what I intend to say isn't always what comes out of my mouth! lol!  I think I will speak up for myself if the situation warrants and try to educate those I encounter, if only in the hopes that the might be more patient with others they deal with.  I do have to say though that when I have my cane with me or am in my transport chair, most people I meet could not be nicer.  However, it just takes insensitive people and a hot store to make me come unhinged!

I honestly have to say that I don't  give a dam what the store clerk thinks or feels about me or my condition.  If I panic and have to take everything out of my  wallet then so be it---Wait.  I do care that I did not organize myself in a way that I feel comfortable; that would allow me to avoid confusion and panic on my part.  I do spend a lot of time visualizing my outings, i.e.,going to a store, grocery shopping, etc.  I want  to know that the place I'm going to is reasonably accessible given that I'm scooter-bound these days.  Last week I took the bus to Georgetown.  I had foegotten about the narrow brick-covered sidewalks.  While I did accomplish my mission, it was very  uncomfotable to manuever.  I probably should have thought the trip out a little more.  I get into trouble when I try to approach even everyday tasks as though I did not have MS.  When I do, watch out--Something bad happens.  A week or so ago I was going on my scooter going  one block to the CVS.  I was looking at a picture of MJ on a building, ran into a hole in the brick sidewalk, tipped over my scooter and fell.  Needless to say that it took "a cast of thousands" to get me up. I was lucky that there were los of people on the street.  It scary to think of being alone in that situation. Accidents happen I know but it could have been avoided with a little planning and paying attention.

I do very much care what people that I care for think. I very much want to "keep up".  I don't want to be a burden so I try to make arrangements to accomodate my needs.  Let's face it.  The days of spontenaity are gone--replaced by checklists galore and a scooter.  MS SUCKS 

Oh Patrica, my heart goes out to you.  I live down here in the South were things may be just a tiny bit different.  Honey it would not have paid for me to have been the one with that clerk, by the time I finished with her, she would have been the one in tears, and the folks in the line behind me would have been scared to say a word.  In their minds they would have been saying, "that black woman in that wheelchair is crazy, good thing she cannot walk!"  Honey when it comes to things like that I have 0 tolerance, and I mean ZERO.  It does not have to be me, it can be anybody, I have always been like that, even before MS came into my life.  My thing is, if you were in that big of a hurry you should have done in yesterday!  I can remember about 8 years ago I was in the mall an elderly lady fainted, she hit her head on the floor, it was winter time, I was standing near her.  I took off my coat, rolled it up laid her head on the coat off that hard floor until the paramedics came, she was go grateful.  She had her grandaugther take my name and number she wanted to have my coat cleaned because she vomited on it a little, I refused, I told her I would want someone to help my mother.  In this life we never know how we will end up.  People in the South are usually more than willing to help, they will hold the door, let me go first, men will run to pick me up when I fall, get things off shelves for me, maybe it is because I am just cute ya think then there are the assholes, but in the end they get theirs, and guess what, you are the first person that comes to their mind.  Aint life grand!  Because what goes around, it really does come back around!

sherry/smomdukes

I recently went to a restaurant and got all tongue tied asking for a seat. Most of what I said just came out jumbled. I tried to ask for a table but instead pointed to a table and said something about a bar stool. I got the classic "eye roll" and asked to clarify what I said. Eventually it all came together and I got the booth that I wanted, but I was mad at the waiter for his expressions.

I was very tempted to excuse myself for a "speech problem". (I've used that before.) I don't want to mention MS because I'm not diagnosed and it just doesn't sound right.

Since cognitive problems are part of what I frequently experience, I'm conscious of the fact that I may not have the right perception of what's going on when I interact with people. I don't want to come across as overly sensitive or combative and make a small problem bigger. I guess I usually just grumble a little internally and figure that my "problems" are acting up again, and try to ignore the impatient people around me.

I recently went to a restaurant and got all tongue tied asking for a seat. Most of what I said just came out jumbled. I tried to ask for a table but instead pointed to a table and said something about a bar stool. I got the classic "eye roll" and asked to clarify what I said. Eventually it all came together and I got the booth that I wanted, but I was mad at the waiter for his expressions.

I was very tempted to excuse myself for a "speech problem". (I've used that before.) I don't want to mention MS because I'm not diagnosed and it just doesn't sound right.

Since cognitive problems are part of what I frequently experience, I'm conscious of the fact that I may not have the right perception of what's going on when I interact with people. I don't want to come across as overly sensitive or combative and make a small problem bigger. I guess I usually just grumble a little internally and figure that my "problems" are acting up again, and try to ignore the impatient people around me.

I wish I could be like momdukes -- she sounds like such a strong woman! I am such a wimp by comparison and I feel embarrassed and depressed when these things come up.

I've found that when I'm tired I cannot make decisions. It's like a total brain freeze and it's hard to explain to people. When my husband and I bought a car this year, he got me down to the car lot mid afternoon and, since it was going to be my car, I needed to make lots of decisions. What a disaster! We ended up buying a car that day. It's fine, although if I had been more 'with it', I would have made a different decision (I will NEVER tell my husband this because he only wanted to get me something I liked and telling him would hurt his feelings). You may ask why I didn't tell my husband at the time that I needed to do this on a different day -- but I couldn't even think well enough to decide to do that. Over and over, I asked my husband to please make the decision as questions were put to us.

A similar thing happened when I went to my bank to move a matured CD into a new CD. My banker is such a sweetie and I knew it would be a quick 5-minute chore. He gave me two options and I froze. I asked him to explain them again, then again, then again. He was so patient with me, but I saw the smile on his face start to fade. I apologized over and over that I was having trouble deciding. I felt so stupid. As soon as I had picked one option, I stopped him and told him to do the other one. Then I stopped him again. The look on his face made me realize that he knew something was going wrong with me. I should have come back on another day but, again, I couldn't even decide to do that. I finally made myself pick one and walk away. It wasn't a decision. Picking one was just a way to escape.

Does this happen to anyone else?

Hi MM,

Sorry for getting here just now. I'm still trying to get through my mailbox after 2 weeks on vacation.

I have to admit that wherever I've been, EXCEPT in gov offices, most people have been helpful and even nice. I guess I'm really lucky.

On the other hand, I do get very flustered when I'm in crowded places, have to make phone calls to officials or businesses, and have to explain my sx and how I feel to my neuro.

My DH has taken over the task of food shopping. It's a tremendous help and relief that I don't have to do it anymore.

Hope you all meet some nicer people.

Soothing hugs,

Maris