My heart was just about beating out of my chest as I approached the tennis court. Would I be able to hit the ball, raise my arm to serve, move enough, last long enough, tolerate the pain, and deal with anything else MS wanted to toss my way?

Would there be a way for me to adapt my physical issues so I could still participate in something I used to enjoy so much?

I wrote several weeks ago about my desire to play tennis again. Of all the little losses I've felt with MS - not being able to work full time, fatigue keeping me on the couch frequently, dealing with pain, being much more limited physically - the thing I've missed the most is playing tennis. Seven years after giving it up, I decided to give it a try once again and risk failure and humiliation.

I investigated a wheelchair tennis group even though I walk without a cane. I sort of felt like odd man out with that group so next I decided to try regular tennis, but playing with beginners.

One snafu I ran into immediately is that since I used to play frequently at a fairly high level, I wasn't allowed to join a league team at the beginning level. I petitioned the league, citing my physical issues, but was denied. The reason given was that I was too experienced a player and it wouldn't be fair to others.
So I joined at the lowest level they allowed - although the league office warned me that if they received a complaint about me being a "ringer", my team could lose all their matches for the season. Nice, huh?

I've played twice now and my team has nothing to worry about. I am just about the worst player there. And I'm having a great time.

Let me share with you, first, that I'm not kidding about the fear factor. I was losing sleep over this, worried that I would trip or irritate team members with my physical restraints. The trouble with tennis is you don't do it alone. If I needed to quit, that would ruin the game for everyone. If I couldn't play well enough, it would affect my partner and my team. I knew they could be angry with me, or pity me. I had to let go of some of that. I had to focus on myself and not worry so much about how other people would react. This is my life and I want to play tennis again - so others are going to have to come along for the ride as I give this a try.

Selfish? I'm not sure if that's the right word. After all, it all could work out.

The team I'm on is perfect. It's a combination of beginners and the next level up so there are limited expectations. They are unaware that I have MS and they assume I'm a beginner. I let my partner know I don't move well and there were no questions asked. They don't realize that my crazy shots are because my arms are a little jerky now and my reactions have slowed because of MS. Part of my poor ability is because I haven't played in awhile so I'm sure I'll play better as I practice up a bit. I definitely feel the MS on the court but so far it's seems manageable.

We've played twice, winning once and losing once. I have been the weaker link on the team, even though I'm ranked higher than my doubles partner. I'm frustrated at how poorly I'm playing but I'm the only one making comparisons to how I used to play. This has actually been a freeing experience. I can just play at my new level and not worry about old tennis friends wondering what happened to me. These new tennis friends know me as I am now and I can just be me.