Hi everyone,
The thick fog of depression doesn't roll in as frequently as it has in the past; medication changes over 40 years haven't always helped but, continuing to try different drugs & combinations if drugs finally led to about 1 1/2 yrs fog free. I knew it was starting again late July, early August but, immediately went into denial, put on whatever masks required and fought the urge to run my van into the cement dividers on the highway; I stop because I worry I might hit another vehicle and, I don't want to cause anyone else pain & grief. I don't think I really want to die, I just want to know what happiness really feels like for myself. I spend much of my time trying to help others in different ways and, although, it feels good to help, I keep thinking that by doing what I believe we should do anyway, it will bring me that elusive feeling of genuine happiness. "Service (volunteering) is the rent we pay for being. It is the very purpose of life, and not something that you do in your spare time." -- Marion Wright Edelman
This is also when I withdraw from the world; I don't want to inflict my depressive mood on anyone. I'm so tired! I have suffered from congenital depression since about age 10; now the brain lesions from MS has made it worse. I am seriously considering ECT (electric convulsive therapy - shock treatment) I only hesitate because I may forget my family but, I can't remember what someone said to me 2 min. ago! I'm not convinced it is the worse thing I could do. My Neuropsychiatrist is very hesitant due to lesions on brain. Or, another medication change; it will work for awhile, some longer than others. I then can go into my performance of acting as, what I feel, a happy person would appear to be. I am currently taking 300mg Effexor SR and 300mg Wellbutrin XL.
Thanks for allowing me to safely, express my profound sadness,
SherryO

, you put yourself out there all the time helping others try and feel good when it hits you, wow what do you do. Well this is when the shower comes in real handy. Get those feelings out girl. Get in that shower and just cry until you feel better, it works, and when you come out you really don't look that bad, water is a wonderful natural makeup fixer upper. I am not kidding!
With MS depression sometimes has s tendancy to sneak in when we least expect it. The holidays are coming so look for it to try and rear it's ugly head a lot more, that is just the way it is. Try and think positive thoughts, think of how blessed that we are, even though we are afflicated, we are better off than a lot of others. It is all right to be sad it is one of lifes woes, this too will pass. Hang in there honey. We are all there with you. sherry/smomdukes

dumb diease! Hope that you are feeling better! Keep us all posted, I got to get ready for church my husband is fussing because I am on the computer, I told him his little head is going to pop off from fussing so much




SherryO,
I don't really know how to respond except to say that I see you.
I see you and I feel your sadness and I wish with all of my heart that I knew what to say to make things even a little better.
I'm so sorry. I'm familiar with the fog you refer to and I'd give anything to be able to lift it.
Please take care. My thoughts are with you.
--Pam
Hi Pam,
The fact that you took the time to respond to my articullation of the recent bout of my life long battle with depression, has helped immensley. From your recent comments, I can hear that you do understand and, it is because of peole like you, that when I've lost myself in the fog and blackhole, I am reminded of the vast number of prople who care and understand. This means more than I can say. Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I think the change un meds is starting to kick in.
Take care. The optomist in me knows the fog will lift but, in the meantime, your support is greatly apreciated.
SherryO