Exacerbation over; thank God for Relief!

After my appointment last week; I was feeling about as low as I have in a long while.  My symptoms went out with a bang; well, most of them anyway.  I stopped my medication a little earlier than what I was directed to; but I had a feeling that it was amplifying my symptoms and I wanted to know where I ended and the meds began.  By simple coincodence, my exacerbation started to wane and finally; I woke up Monday feeling better than I have in a long time; and the rest of the week just got better every day.

I don't say completely normal because, as with the other 4 exacerbations, this one has left behind some luggage as well.  I haven't seen the "real me" in a long, long, long time.  I liken it to a battlefield, the smoke has cleared and the combatants have left; but the damage to the field is still there.  That's me; but not me.

My permanent residents are a memory that has been afflicted and doesn't appear to be coming back. Especially spatial time; that is really bad. Slight fatigue replaced crippling fatigue and the ringing in my ear has yet to go away from the first exacerbation.  Weakness going downstairs, my legs give out under my weight (I'm not that big.) but I am hoping with some strength training I will be able to recoupe some of that.  Heat intolerance, a resident since last summers exacerbation, doesn't appear to want to go either.  In fact, since this last exacerbation lasted longer than all of the others, I am wondering if this past month or so hasn't actually been that suedo exacerbation that someone was righting about.  Sorry, I know your name, but I can't remember it right at this second...one of the things that started off as a small symptom the first bout and progressively worsened with every event.  This has been the most destructive along with the cognition loss.  I am gaining some of that back; however, I've lost a lot more than I originally thought.  Talking to my son, he has made some comments-since I was one of the few people who could hold a conversation with him and keep up.  I can't do it anymore.  I don't feel stupid, I know that it is in there, I know I should know it; I just can't get to it.  The battle field is too difficult to traverse.

This is also the first exacerbation I've been through where I was convinced of what I have.  I'm still convinced; the doctors aren't; but somehow, with the relief I feel from the brunt of this thing, I just don't care what they thing anymore.  Worrying about what it is/isn't; whether they diagnosed me or didn't; what a waste of energy!  I became MS and lost me.  None of that made my symptoms go away, better, less intense...and I forgot my own motto.  The one thing that I've been blessed with that this allien disease can't take from me.  I'm a fighter-a gift given me directly from God.  I've never fallen flat on my face where I couldn't get back up again and dust myself off.  Don't get me wrong, I've fallen, plenty.  I've been hurt my fair share; but I've never stopped believing in others.  I've never given up on; but have walked away when there was nothing to fight for.