Ok; so maybe I'm not waiting to exhale; but it sounded good.  I'm in a mix of emotions; waiting on the results from the MRI's and trying not to "jinx" this with my impatience.  Sometimes it feels as if God is up there in Heaven saying "Nope, she hasn't learned patience; I'll make her wait some more."  Trust me; I don't think that He is punishing me; but like any good parent does; is allowing me to experience the lesson.  It seems at times I pray and pray for the doctors to say "AH HAAAAA!!!!!", but it hasn't happened.  I know; I'm only 3 years into this and some people take much longer...but when your in it; it's an eternity.  Especially when you are experiencing it all and receiving NO treatment!  My temperment has really been changing; mood swings on crack.  I've NEVER, not PMS or Post partum; NEVER had problems with mood swings.  Laughing out of control or crying while reading my daughter a book; then normal again. 

I really am not ready to start treatment; some where in the back of my brain I keep thinking these symptoms will all of a sudden resolve on their own and I will be myself again.  My phsycologist said that is denial; I call it comfortably numb!  Hey, if the doctor hasn't said it; then...well, I know the answer.  As much as I desperately want the answer, I'm also dreading it; it makes it 100% REAL. 

I've said this before; people in Limbo don't get to go through the "I HAVE WHAT!  OH, MY GOSH!!! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?  WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME?"  stage of diagnosis.  We've spent so much time trying to fight to prove we aren't crazy, researching online for answers and finding out what all if it means before we finally get diagnosed that it is almost a relief; even if it is not. 

Even now, I'm wishful typing that my neuro is looking at the MRI's and the answers are leaping off for him to see!  That I will receive a phone call telling me the answer to what this is in absolution.  Scared to death that I will be given another-everthing looks fine.  (and in saying that-feeling like an insane person for wishing for it.)  My symptoms aren't going away even though the MRI's have been "clear".  I'm degressing; going down hill; symptoms are worsening.  Sure, some days are better than others; but none are as before when I was healthy! 

Well, what can I do; but wait to exhale!    Love you guys!!!!