Amy,
As always, another insightful post! After all of these years of wondering why people don't automatically step up to the plate and ask if I needed help ( I still have a hard time) my brother now has an aneurysm and I felt uncomfortable asking him how he is doing. When I thought about it I finally felt the shoe is now on the other foot. I asked how he was and he sounded relieved to be able to talk about it.
Yeah... it's funny, isn't it? (not funny ha ha, funny odd!) We live it, we know how it feels to need help and we can offer it when those around us need it; but when we need it, it's a different deal.
Perhaps your brother appreciated your concern even more knowing what is on your buffet table.(turkey? cranberry sauce? RRMS?)
Have a great Thanksgiving Cathy, and thanks for your comment!
~Amy
Hi Amy,
This is a topic that should be repeated on a regular basis. Few of us are taught to ask for help. In fact, some of us are taught NOT to ask someone else. Then, just when we are suddenly put in a position to need help most, we have to start in the primary grades. We do not know how to get help. I know I didn't.
I was taught once, if I needed to offer help to someone who drastically needed it, there is a trick in how you ask. If you say "Can I help," which is — let's face it — what most of us are likely to say, the response is, "Oh, no really." We are just as unsure of accepting help. The question that already assumes they need help is something like, "What can I do?" There are variations, of course.
The same is true for asking for help. Ask by mentioning a particular action, which will likely have an action as a response. I know you know that, dear Amy, but some people may be slow getting it done.
Good post. We should repeat this topic because we get new readers and some need to see it repeated to make a difference.
Thanks for your response Vicki. You are absolutely right. This needs to be reiterated, repeatedly! I myself have to be reminded. It's amazing how I've (we've) been programmed to be self-sufficient at all costs. It's so counter productive to my (our) every day. With a little help, I would be able to do more than I would have otherwise. Spending less energy on one thing, means I can do 3 other things that wouldn't have otherwise been an option.
I appreciate your additional reminder, to remind myself!
Best,
Amy
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Great post and topic. The truth is that everybody needs help. For most of us who live with MS, our needing help is a little more apparent. People want to help and they just don't know what to do. Our job then, is to tell them what we need and once they do, they feel better and so do we. Help is something not to be abused or taken for granted. It is something to be grateful for. Sometimes there are very practical reasons to ask for help. For example, I may be able to button my own shirt. But not everyone wants to wait an hour for me to do it!
What is the best way to get help? It may be that while you are healthy and able, you help others when they need it.
Michael
Thanks for your response Michael~ It's true- everyone wins in the ask/give help scenario. We get the help we need, and the helper gets a serious bump in their Karma totals. ;) All we need to do is recognize when we need it and take a pride-pill in exchange for a life made more easy!
Best, Amy