A Letter to Mary

Mary, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I hate Mandy’s MS with all my heart. But I love Mandy more. I know that it’s not her fault and I’d do anything to rid her of the disease. But that doesn’t stop me from resenting MS and what it’s taken from us in terms of the limitations that it has put on how we live our lives. Mandy understands this and feels the same way. The thing to take from this is that we fight MS together. We have a shared hatred of the disease. We both own it, just as it owns us. Mandy, to her credit, has allowed that SHARED hatred of MS to foster. Like soldiers, we fight a common enemy. She could have just as easily embraced her MS and refuse to let me get close. That would have most likely spelled disaster for our marriage.

You didn’t ask for MS, Mary. It’s not a punishment for something you did. It’s been said before, but it’s worth saying again. Life’s a crap shoot -- plain and simple. It’s as if we live in the middle of a whirlwind. There are all these really great things swirling around, but they’re mixed in with all these bad things too. While we try to grab at the good things [Bam! -- you win the lottery,] sometimes we just get in the way of the bad [Bam! -- you get MS.] Luck of the draw and all that. Does that make any sense to you?

But here’s the thing, Mary. It’s not what happens to you that matters. It’s what you make of it after it happens.

So, dear Mary, if I had to cut to the chase, I’d tell you to drop the guilt, tell your husband that you love him, and then go show him how much. If you can’t shake the guilt, and after so many years that might be a hard thing to do, then I’d suggest counseling. It might not take much and it might do wonders for the both of you. But Mary, before you resort to that, might I suggest simply talking to you husband. Tell him what you’ve told me, perhaps let him read my post here, and then give him the time it takes to compose a response. And then listen to what he says.

Oh, and Mary -- you know that place you found where you can exercise your legs? That place where your husband is just too busy to go, so now you don’t go either? Take a cab... and don’t complain about it to anyone. I pretty sure you won’t have to do it more than once or twice.

Jake